King of the Ring '93

Legacy Review

King of the Ring '93

June 13, 1993 from the Nutter Center in Dayton, OH

Commentary: Jim Ross, Bobby Heenan and Randy Savage

Other than the failed This Tuesday in Texas experiment in '91, this is the first WWF PPV added to the original Big Four. In order to really make it seem like a big deal WWF temporarily erased the record books of all the previous KOTR tournaments to make this appear to be the first one ever, something you could still get away with in the pre-internet age. The first round was held on weekly TV, leaving the final eight for the one night tournament. The situation between Vince and Hulk Hogan was also reaching a boiling point, with Vince realizing WM 9 was a mistake and starting to take steps to correct it.

Man, it doesn't get much better than the original KOTR logo. It's absolutely glorious. The whole bracket graphic is good too. It even conveniently has all the faces written in white and all the heels in black.

Quarterfinals: Bret "Hitman" Hart def Razor Ramon in 10:25- This is a rematch of the WWF title match at the Royal Rumble. Ramon is greeted with "1-2-3" chants, as this is after his legendary upset loss to young Sean Waltman on Raw. Lockup standoffs to start. After a quick back and forth Bret goes into arm work. Both guys block hiptosses and Ramon kills Bret with a clothesline. Bret dodges the follow up elbow drop and goes back to the arm with an armdrag. Ramon tries to slam out of an armbar but Bret rolls through it. Finally Ramon eye pokes to take control. Back elbow for 2. Bret grabs another hammerlock. Ramon gets a knee up in the corner, grabs Bret and throws his shoulder into the post. Beatdown and fallaway slam for 2. Powerslam for 2. Bret dodges elbow drops and punches back. Five Moves of Doom. Bret ducks a punch and rolls Ramon up for 2. Ramon counters a bulldog, leading to a Bret bump. He sets up for the Razor's Edge. Bret slips out and hooks a backslide in. Ramon fights it, so Bret climbs the turnbuckles, flips over, and rolls up a small package. Ramon JUST kicks out. The crowd thought it was 3. As Bret's arguing with the ref Ramon clotheslines him from behind. He plants Bret on the top turnbuckle and goes for a back superplex, but Bret rolls it over, falls on top of Ramon, and gets the pin! It started slow but had a great stretch run. Bret's warming up for an active night. ***

We get footage of Giant Gonzalez and Mr. Hughes taking out the Undertaker and Paul Bearer on non-Raw weekly TV. Hughes becomes the first of many wrestlers to steal the urn.

 

Quarterfinals: Mr. Perfect def Mr. Hughes (w/Harvey Wippleman) by DQ in 6:02- This is part of a very short WWF run for Hughes after jumping over from WCW. He has the urn with him. As Perfect gets in the ring he throws his towel onto Hughes' shoulder without breaking stride, and placed (no pun intended) perfectly. Hughes throws Perfect around out of the lockups. They go speed and Hughes gets a huge head of steam, selling a Perfect armdrag by almost flying out of the ring. A Perfect dropkick is barely sold. A Hughes punch in the corner sends Perfect 360 and out. Back in Hughes hits a big boot and locks in a couple of neck wringers. Perfect uses Hughes' tie to get out of the second one. If you're going to wear a tie in the ring, it should be fair game. Like a football player getting tackled by his long hair. Perfect does his flippy sell of a buckle bump. Hughes looks like he's going for a spinebuster but fraks it up horribly and both guys end up flopping on top of each other. Perfect dodges a rope dive and comes back. Hughes starts selling a hiptoss before Perfect touches him. Snap mare/neck snap. Hughes grabs the urn and whacks Perfect with it for a cheap DQ. Hughes did show a bit of selling spunk outside the sloppy spots. *1/2

 

Quarterfinals: Bam Bam Bigelow def "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan in 4:59- Duggan's in a rare singlet instead of trunks. Shoulderblock standoffs. Clotheslines take Bigelow down. Slugfest. A guy in the crowd has a giant "Bam Bam Pigelow" sign and that's making me laugh way more than it should. Duggan takes a hard shot in the ribs on a buckle bump, but dodges Bigelow's charge and both guys recover. Duggan tries a bodyslam but can't get Bigelow up. Bigelow headbutts him in the back. Duggan dodges a diving headbutt. He tries a slam again, but Bigelow falls on top of him for a 2 count. Duggan bites out of a bear hug. He goes for a backdrop. Bigelow goes to counter, but Duggan anticipates the counter and counters the counter. Outsmarted by Duggan. Might as well go back to Asbury Park and hope the rest of the year gets better. Finally Duggan gets the bodyslam. He goes for the 3 point stance tackle. Bigelow dodges and Duggan's head smashes into the top turnbuckle. Bigelow hits the diving headbutt of the top rope and good night. Shockingly not awful. This would be Duggan's last major WWF appearance for a while. He'd leave before Summerslam and spend time in the indys and resting up before moving to WCW in mid-'94 as part of Eric Bischoff's vacuuming up of every ex-WWF guy he could get his hands on. **

 

Quarterfinals: "The Narcissist" Lex Luger and Tatanka go to a 15:00 time limit draw- In between Wrestlemania and this show Luger's knockout artist secret was exposed: a steel plate in his forearm to repair an injury. President Tunney hadn't yet made an official edict about it, but the ref for this match forces Luger to wear a pad over it, threatening to toss him from the tournament if he doesn't. Both guys are billed as undefeated so something's got to give. As soon as Tatanka gets in the ring Luger jumps him, throws him out, and goes back to posing in his giant mirror. Tatanka comes back in and dumps the mirror on top of him. Tatanka chops (eventually and with difficulty) send Luger 360 and out. Back in Tatanka goes on the warpath and does some arm work. Chops on the arm and Luger begging off help keep it interesting. Tatanka crossbody for 2. Back to the arm. Luger powers out and hits kicks and a knee to the gut. Backbreaker, followed by elbow drops for near falls. Luger argues with the ref and Tatanka rolls him up for 2. Luger kills time with some chinlocks but does a decent job keeping the intensity up. Another Tatanka comeback is cut off with a clothesline. Tatanka gets a small package for 2 but Luger's quickly back on top. Big Tatanka sunset flip for 2. Luger hits a massive delayed telegraphed kick to Tatanka's gut. Tatanka no sells a buckle shot and starts to dance up. Chops lead to a long 2 count. Powerslam for 2. Chop of the top rope for 2. Luger dodges a second dive off the top. Luger powerslam for 2. A suplex and a slow cover for 2. They're in time limit stalling mode now. Luger hits a backbreaker, waits, covers for 2, and right after the bell rings for the time limit. Luger grabs the mic and demands five more minutes, but won't get it because of the tournament format. He rips the pad off and gives Tatanka a KO shot. Meh. The lack of an in-arena time limit countdown hurt the match, as it does every rare time WWF dips into a time limit draw. Having Luger control most of the match was probably a good call. *3/4

Mean Gene stirs the pot between Bret and Perfect. A "my dad can beat your dad" argument pops up, as does Bret winning their previous match at Summerslam '91, a rare for this era WWF nod to continuity.

 

Semifinals: Bret "Hitman" Hart def Mr. Perfect in 18:56- Bret's hand is taped up after Ramon's stomps on it earlier. Perfect gets a waistlock, Bret gets to the ropes. They go speed and Bret hits a big hiptoss, followed by nice headlock/headscissor reversals. Perfect hits his first big .9 Flair chop of the match. Slam exchange. Bret gets a crucifix for 2. He hits a crossbody, and Perfect's kickout sends him to the floor. Bret with a huge shoulder to the gut and sunset flip back in. Perfect gets a cheap knee to the gut on a rope break and starts a lean heel trend he'll stick with the rest of the match. A standing dropkick sends Bret to the floor again. Perfect opens the ropes for him to come back in...then ambushes him! Kneelift for 2. More kicks to Bret's gut. Bret rolls out again. As gets back on the apron Perfect pushes with the rope, and Bret FLIES off the apron all the way to the guardrail! He hit his knee on a drink container on the way down. Perfect drags him back in. Missile dropkick. Cover. Bret gets a foot on the rope. A Bret bump gets a 2 count. Perfect goes up top again. Bret pops back up! He punches Perfect, sets up....and hits a superplex! Perfect JUST kicks out! Bret kicks Perfect's leg out of his leg and we're going to school. Figure four! Perfect fights it, tries to eye poke out, and finally just barely drags himself to the ropes. Bret goes back to the knee and scissors it. Perfect drops his leg on Bret's nose to get out. Both guys sell the hurt knees the rest of the match. Perfect throws Bret across the ring by his hair. Sleeper! Bret gets wobbly and barely gets himself to the ropes. Perfect's slow to release it. Another huge chop, and back to the sleeper with Perfect heeling it up even more by using added rope leverage behind Hebner's back. Bret runs Perfect into the top turnbuckle. HUGE Bret European uppercut. He throws Perfect across the ring by his hair. FMOD with a couple of good near falls. He goes for the Sharpshooter. Perfect grabs his taped up hand to fight out of it. Perfect stomps on the hand! He hooks up for the Perfectplex. Bret fights and blocks it, maneuvers to the ropes, and suplexes Perfect from the ring to the floor, falling out of the ring himself! As they get back in the ring Perfect wraps up a small package, but Bret reverses it and gets the pin! After the bell a pissed off Perfect teases continuing the fight, but ends up offering a quick handshake. Another amazing match from these two, almost as good as their Summerslam classic, and a completely different style match from that one to boot. Unless there's something else mind blowing I'm completely spacing on, this is WWF's match of the year for 1993. ****1/2

Hogan gives a bog standard Hogan promo. I know it became commonplace in his WCW years, but I can't overstate how weird it was to see Jimmy Hart standing with Hogan this soon after Hart's face turn.

 

WWF Championship: Yokozuna (w/Mr. Fuji) def Hulk Hogan (c) (w/Jimmy Hart) in 13:09- Yokozuna's got a huge contingent of Japanese photographers with him, including one we can see in a glancing shot that has an obvious fake beard and false nose glasses. I'm sure that's not suspicious in any way whatsoever. Cool shot as Hogan milks his entrance while Yokozuna stares him down on the Titantron. Cautious start. Yokozuna stalemates with Hogan on the first lockup and wins the second. A long, dull, slow beatdown follows. Hogan dodges an avalanche, hits mounted punches and bites Yokozuna. Corner clothesline. He goes for a bodyslam. Not happening. Hogan ducks a clothesline and tries to slam Yokozuna again. No dice. Hogan staggers Yokozuna with clotheslines until Yoko counters with a clothesline of his own. Hogan dodges a (very) big splash and tries a shoulderblock but he's the one that goes down. Bear hug. Long bear hug. They do the arm drops and Hogan punches out. A Yokozuna back elbow kills the momentum. Big Yokozuna belly to belly suplex. Cover. Hulk Up. 3 punches, big boot, Yokozuna doesn't go down. Second big boot. Still not down. THIRD big boot. Finally he goes down. Legdrop. Yokozuna kicks out! The suspicious photographer with the fake beard gets on the apron. Hogan walks over to him in a pretty clear spot setup and gets a face full of flash paper when the camera "explodes". Yokozuna hits his own legdrop, covers, and we have a new champion! That Hogan superfan at ringside looks like everything just came crashing down and hurts inside, brother. Yokozuna hits the Banzai Drop and Hogan has to be helped to the back. Heenan says it directly: "Hulkamania is dead". But he still couldn't lose clean. Hogan would immediately disappear from WWF TV and take some time off before his huge signing with WCW in the spring of '94, the first major salvo in what would become the Monday Night Wars. Vince would try to move on, and the two wouldn't reunite until after the fall of WCW in 2002. Not a good match by any means, Hogan was giving bare minimum effort and Yoko's ballooning weight was already hampering him, but a hugely historic one. 3/4*

 

The Steiner Brothers and The Smoking Gunns def WWF Tag Team Champions Money Inc and The Headshrinkers (w/Afa) in 6:49- Cool down match, activate. Scott and DiBiase start. DiBiase hits armdrags while Scott tries to mat wrestle. A Steinerline sends DiBiase 360 and out. Rick throws him back in, and Scott Steinerlines him right back out! Bart outwrestles Fatu. Fatu flips the script with a huge superkick and Bart goes Gunn in peril. Double backdrop by the Headshrinkers. IRS gets a near fall. Bart with a desperation sunset flip for 2 and there's tags on both sides. Billy Gunn (yes, THAT Billy Gunn, this is his early career) cleans house until DiBiase hits him with a hot shot. Million Dollar Dream. Billy's going out, but DiBiase releases the hold to gloat and get some more humiliation in before finishing it off. Big mistake, as Billy rolls up a Paul Smackage outta nowhere for 3. Technically sound, but not much else. Over the next week Money Inc and the Steiners would trade the tag titles back and forth a few times on the house show loop, with the Steiners ultimately ending up with the gold. Money Inc would formally disband soon after, ending an 18 monthish run where they were quietly and under the radar one of the more dominant teams in WWF/E history.  **1/4

President Tunney congratulates Yokozuna on his title win and doesn't even mention the interference by the photographer. Hulk who?

 

WWF Intercontinental Championship: Shawn Michaels (c) (w/Diesel) def Crush in 11:14- Shawn had just won the IC title back from Marty Janetty (after Janetty upset him on Raw a few weeks prior), with the help of the debuting Big Daddy Cool (Kevin Nash), recently signed from WCW after a near legendary string of failed gimmicks. Vince will find the right one for him. Crush was still on the cusp of a big time push so he's not as an unlikely challenger as he might seem looking back on it. Crush runs Shawn over with a shoulderblock that Shawn fish flop sells all the way to the floor. After some speed Shawn hits a stick and move jab. Crush ducks a superkick and dropkicks Shawn to the floor. Back in he presses Shawn up and down a while before slamming him. Savage is throwing "CRUSH COULD SLAM YOKOZUNA" down our throats over and over and over again. At this point in time, Crush was potentially in line for the Hogan 2.0 push that ultimately went to Lex Luger. Crush hits a tiltawhirl backbreaker. Diesel pulls Shawn out. Crush and Diesel stare down, and Shawn uses the distraction to sneak behind and knock Crush into the post. He hammers the back of Crush's coconut into the post multiple times. Commentary acts like he's borderline dead. Shawn deadlifts him back in and covers. Crush kicks out! Shawn locks in a front facelock. Crush powers out, throwing Shawn across the ring. He lifts Shawn and drops him on the top rope and Shawn falls to the floor. Shawn goes up top but Crush dodges the dive. Backbreaker for 2. Crush with a big boot/legdrop combo for 2 (I wonder where that came from.....). Shawn gets clotheslined out again. Doink, who Crush was still feuding with, comes to ringside. Along with Doink 2 mirroring him. On the distraction Shawn superkicks Crush in the back of the head and gets the pin. After the bell Crush chases the Doinks to the back. Bit of a crap finish, but a perfectly acceptable match. **1/2

 

King of the Ring Finals: Bret "Hitman" Hart def Bam Bam Bigelow in 18:11- Bret's still limping a bit as he comes to the ring. He dodges a Bigelow charge right after the bell. Slugfest. Bigelow goes for a press slam, but Bret falls on top of him for a 2 count. He presses Bret again and drops him all the way to the floor! Back in Bigelow targets the back with falling headbutts and clubbing blows. Big back suplexes. Bret tries a comeback but it's cut off with a corner whip and huge corner bump. Another diving headbutt for 2. Bear hug. It's a high leverage bear hug and Bigelow walks around the ring while holding Bret. No rest hold here. Bret fights out but Bigelow hits another back suplex for 2 and throws Bret outside. Bret reverses a whip on the floor and Bigelow goes hard into the guardrail. Bigelow catches Bret as he tries a dive off the apron and posts his back. Slam on the floor. Luna Vachon randomly comes out and hits Bret in the back with a chair. Bigelow gets Bret back in the ring, hits the diving headbutt off the top rope, and gets a pin. Before Fink can announce it Hebner runs in, waves the finish off, and restarts the match. It's not fully explained why but presumably it's for Luna's interference. Bigelow goes right back to the back. Bret's wobblelegged and nearly done. Another high angle bear hug. Bigelow adjusts it into a Canadian backbreaker. Bret fights out and hits Bigelow with a back suplex! He dodges a Bigelow senton. An eye rake cuts the comeback off. Bret fights fire with fire and eye rakes out of another Canadian backbreaker. He adjusts on Bigelow's back to lock in a sleeper! Bigelow snap mares out. Bret dropkicks Bigelow in the back and flips him out to the floor. Plancha! Bret clothesline off the second rope for 2. After a bulldog off the second rope he goes for the Sharpshooter but Bigelow fights out. Bret tries another back suplex, but Bigelow rolls over and falls on Bret for a 2 count. Bret gets a boot up in the corner, climbs up, and gets on Bigelow's shoulders. Victory roll! That gets the 3! Massive pop for Bret's win. Technically it's Bret's second KOTR win, as he had also won the most recent version in '91, but again, WWF was treating this as the first one. Bret remains to this day the only wrestler ever to win two KOTR tournaments. This was a tremendous come from behind story performance by Bret, with Bigelow playing his part perfectly in one of the few WWF matches where he could really showcase what he was capable of. The false ending and restart was a few pages too much in the book however. ***1/2

Bret heads over to the traditional interview stage, where Mean Gene is set up for the coronation. Before they get too far, Jerry Lawler comes out. He gets in Bret's face and says he's the only true king in the WWF, and tells Bret he might let him be a prince if he kisses his feet. Bret counters by asking why Lawler didn't have the guts to even enter the tournament and gets a "Burger King" chant going. That really sets Lawler off and he cheap shots Bret with the scepter. Lawler smashes the crown and beats Bret down some more, kicking off the feud between the two that would run off and on for several years. The show's last image is Bret laid out on the stage steps, the first time WWF has ever ended a PPV like that. It is indeed a new era.

OVERALL SHOW THOUGHTS- You book the majority of a show around Bret Hart, you're going to get quality. 3 matches in one night, average 3.66666ad infinitum stars. This was a good way to keep him in the spotlight while out of the title picture. He never should have been out of the title picture, but that's another discussion. Add in the historical significance of the Hogan/Yokozuna match (though leaving out the match quality), and you've got what's probably WWF's best show of the year.

OVERALL SHOW GRADE: B+

WrestleMania IX

Legacy Review

WrestleMania IX

April 4, 1993 from Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas

Commentary: Jim Ross (in his WWF debut), Bobby Heenan and Randy Savage

There's some interesting firsts for this year's Wrestlemania, other than JR's debut: it's the first one to be held outdoors, and it's the first WWF show not to have the traditional red, white and blue ring ropes, going for black and gold instead. The crazy over the top Roman coliseum/Las Vegas theme is all over the place, from the staging and arena dressing to everyone in the company participating in "the world's largest toga party". The show opens with a long set of introductions. The same Caesar and Cleopatra from the Rumble come out, followed by Randy Savage carried on a Roman couch and being fed grapes by "vestal virgins", and capped off by possibly the only truly entertaining part of the whole show, a very agitated Bobby Heenan riding in backwards on a camel and tumbling off.

On a personal historical note, I should mention that this is the first review I'm doing after the WWE Network's transfer to Peacock (or The 'Cock as my friends and I call it, because Vincent Kennedy McMahon loves Dicks).

WWF Intercontinental Championship: Tatanka def Shawn Michaels (c) (w/Luna Vachon) by countout in 18:13- Tatanka is still being billed as undefeated and got wins over Shawn in a non-title and a 6 man tag match to get this shot. Very New Japan. Luna is debuting as Shawn's new manager, which is an.....interesting pairing to say the least that won't last long. After Tatanka's entrance Sensational Sherri comes to ringside. Officially she's in a neutral corner, but her loyalties are clear after her face turn. Shawn takes his time getting his gear off. The ring is really badly lit for an outdoor show. Lots of intermittent shadows. Slow start once they do get going. Hammerlock & wristlock tradeoff. Tatanka powers out and Shawn bumps like hell for it. Shawn cranks a headlock, walks up the turnbuckles and flips over. He tries it again, but Tatanka stops it and turns it into a back suplex. Shawn dodges a corner charge, goes to the top rope, but Tatanka catches him midair and turns it into an armdrag! Another armdrag, a dropkick, and Shawn does the corner flip. Tatanka chops him off the apron, with Shawn doing a full 360 spin on his way to the floor. Luna and Sherri stand off as Shawn recovers. Tatanka keeps Shawn out of the ring with punches. Finally Shawn eye pokes and gets back in. He springboards to the top rope and hits a sunset flip off the top! Another speed sequence. Tatanka catches a leapfrogging Shawn and gives him an inverted atomic drop. Shawn goes for a backdrop but Tatanka catches it and DDT's him. Tatanka starts working the arm. Shawn was still nursing a hurt shoulder from the 6 man tag match going into this. Shawn goes for a clothesline. Tatanka no sells it and Shawn hurts his arm instead. Shawn's shoulder gets posted and he does the fish flop sell off the rebound. On a corner leap Tatanka catches Shawn and hits a shoulderbreaker. Top rope chop on the shoulder. He goes for another one, but Shawn superkicks him in midair! From here on the shoulder is suddenly all better. He throws Tatanka over the top and out and the women stare off again. Shawn with a diving clothesline off the apron to the floor. Back in he gets a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Shawn with a modified victory roll for 2. He gets on Tatanka's shoulders again, but Tatanka drops him with an electric chair slam and covers for a long 2 count. Shawn dodges an elbow drop and hits a double ax handle off the second rope. Tatanka starts dancing up and hits chops. Crossbody off the top for 2. Shawn gets slingshot into the post and Tatanka covers for 2. He hoists Shawn up for his Samoan Drop finisher but Shawn wiggles out and gets a roll up for 2. Shawn tries off the top again, but Tatanka catches and powerslams him! Shawn just kicks out! Shawn tights pulls Tatanka to the floor. He goes for a dive off the apron but Tatanka dodges it and Shawn splats on the floor! As he's getting back in Shawn pulls the ref out to the floor. Tatanka hits the Samoan Drop, but the ref refuses to count and calls for the bell. It's announced as a countout but could have also been a DQ. Either way it's a horrible shit finish to a pretty decent match. Shawn looked like a future main eventer while Tatanka, honestly, looked like he was barely keeping up and hitting his card placement ceiling. After the match Luna takes Sherri out and Tatanka carries her to the back. **3/4

 

The Steiner Brothers def The Headshrinkers (w/Afa) in 14:22- These teams crossed paths in WCW (with the Headshrinkers as the Samoan SWAT Team) so this is a good first WM pairing for the Steiners as WWF was rightly pushing them to the moon in a moribund tag division. A bit of history here as JR says "slobberknocker" for the first time on WWF TV. Heenan: "Isn't that what they call that waitress at the Tip Top Cafe?". Scott and Fatu start. Scott does some wrestling, followed by Fatu doing some stiffing in the corner. Shoving and big slugfest. Steinerline! Fatu 360 sells it. An eye poke gets Scott trapped in the heel corner. Rick runs in and both Steiners are thrown out. They sneak up to the top rope behind the Headshrinkers' backs and hit a double Steinerline off the top! JR gets a note that Luna has attacked Sherri again backstage. Samu stiffs the hell out of Rick. Rick counters with a Steinerline and throws Samu's head all the way to the post. Scott double underhook suplex. Samu gets a hot shot on Scott, and Fatu pulls the top rope down so Scott crashes all the way to the floor! Afa gets a kendo stick shot in and Scott's slammed on the floor as he goes Steiner in peril. Samoan headbutts. After a headbutt off the second rope Rick breaks up a pin attempt. Scott faceplants Fatu in a comeback attempt, but Fatu no sells it and hits a superkick. Headshrinker Decapitation Device, followed by the Nerve Pinch of Extreme Head Shrinkage +1. Double clothesline! Scott's tag attempt is cut off. Samu goes for a splash off the top. Scott dodges and finally gets the hot tag. Steinerline! Steinerline! Rick tries a double noggin knocker, which of course fails and both Samoans headbutt Rick. Double faceplant. The Headshrinkers set up a Doomsday Device, but Rick catches Samu in midair and powerslams him! The pin is broken up and Scott tags back in. A belly to belly suplex is countered with a superkick. Frankensteiner outta nowhere! That gets the 3. As you'd expect from these two teams it was stiff as hell and had some really cool moves, but also some moments of sloppiness and the layout with Scott in peril for so long wasn't the best. **1/2

Mean Gene is in the back with Joker Doink (the original awesome heel Matt Bourne Doink), who's desecrated the Julius Caesar statue. We get footage of Doink attacking Crush with a fake arm that was in a sling.

 

Doink the Clown def Crush in 8:28- Doink squirts Crush with his flower as he's getting in and Crush chases. Doink's slammed on the floor and posted. Back in he begs off. Crush no sells some chops and hits a neckbreaker. After some more beating Doink grabs Crush's hair and snaps his throat over the top rope. Doink with a piledriver. He comes off the top several times, with Crush getting a boot up on the last one. Coming off the second rope Crush catches Doink and powerslams him followed by a 360 clothesline. Doink tries to sneak under the ring but Crush stops him. Press slam. Crush locks on the John Harrison Skull Squeeze. Doink gets in the ropes and shoves the ref down. Ugly sequence where Crush literally positions Doink in the ring then hits him with a reverse kick. He locks the Faux Khan Skull Squeeze on again. A second Doink comes up from behind and whacks Crush with the loaded fake arm. The Doinks double team another arm shot, and Doink Prime covers for the pin. After the bell a second ref comes out and argues that there were two Doinks, but both refs look under the ring and don't see him. Because he snuck down into Little People Land. Heel Doink is a fun character, but the match moved at a glacial pace. 3/4*

Todd Pettingill makes his WM debut in the crowd, harassing a couple of Japanese photographers that repeat cliche lines I'm sure were fed to them and spouting a bunch of guff about whether the Doinks were real or "an illusion". Like it's hard two get two similarly sized guys wearing the same clown outfit and makeup.

 

Razor Ramon def Bob Backlund in 3:45- Ramon's still a heel but he's getting cheered and Backlund's booed. They'd both reverse roles before the year was up, with Backlund shifting to his awesome psycho heel persona. But that's not today. Backlund offers the Code of Honor handshake and Ramon flicks his toothpick at him. Huge "Razor" chant. Ramon tosses Backlund around a bit. Backlund speeds around and gets a couple of double leg takedowns. Ramon gets back on top and beats him down. Savage mentions that Bret Hart was knocked out by Lex Luger during the Wrestlemania brunch that morning, the latest in a string of "suspicious" knockouts by Luger's forearm. Backlund comes back and hits a butterfly suplex and huge atomic drop that Ramon sells horribly. While Backlund goes for a slam Ramon wraps up a Paul Smackage for the win. OK then. 1/2*

 

SEMI-MAIN EVENT FEUD RECAP- After being out of the ring for nearly 3 years following a legit major injury from a parasailing accident, Brutus Beefcake had his big comeback match in February on Raw against Ted DiBiase. DiBiase and IRS double teamed him, going so far to hit Beefcake in his surgically repaired face with their briefcase, an attack so heinous it even turned Jimmy Hart against them. To back up Beefcake, Hulk Hogan made his big return after being away since Wrestlemania 8 and the newly minted Mega Maniacs, with newly face turned Hart as their manager, challenged Money Inc for the tag team titles. This was a good way to get Hogan on the card while keeping him away from the world title picture and letting the new blood have the main event spotlight. Or so we thought.

 

WWF Tag Team Championship: Money Inc (c) def The Mega Maniacs (w/Jimmy Hart) by DQ in 18:27- Money Inc is the first team in history to walk into two straight WM as the defending tag champs. Beefcake is wearing a TITANIUN steel mask to protect his surgically reconstructed face, while Hogan walks in sporting a massive shiner, a legit injury that they covered up for by having Money Inc claim they paid some thugs to attack Hogan at the gym the night before. They do the now usual heel ambush, Hogan (and partner) comeback while his entrance music still plays, Hogan finishes his entrance spot. After a fair amount of stalling Beefcake and IRS start. Beefcake immediately goes in trouble as the heels double team him in their corner. DiBiase goes for a double ax handle off the second rope but hits Beefcake's mask, hurting himself and triggering a comeback. Hogan gives DiBiase mounted punches and DiBiase Flair flops. Pillar to post beating. The Mega Maniacs hit a double big boot. A clothesline sends DiBiase 360 and out. IRS comes in and promptly also gets thrown out. The heels start to take a walk like they did at WM 8. Hebner has Finkel announce that if they don't return to the ring they'll lose the titles. They run back in and reset with Hogan and DiBiase. Hogan quickly goes maniac in slight peril with lots of double team chokes by Money Inc. DiBiase slaps on the Million Dollar Dream. Savage goes into a dream of his own with a classic Botchamania rant "They're hanging from the rafters!.....If the Roman Coliseum had any rafters, which it doesn't.....They have columns! And the people are hanging from the columns!". They do the arm drop spot and Hogan comes back....then starts to go down again. He calls Beefcake in the ring. IRS also tries to come in and Hebner argues with him, allowing Beefcake to slap his sleeper on DiBiase. Hogan and DiBiase are both down. After a count there's tags on both sides. Beefcake hits a high knee and atomic drop that sends DiBiase over and out again. DiBiase whacks Beefcake in the back with the briefcase. He goes for the mask, and after a long struggle slowly gets it off, exposing Beefcake's supposedly Faberge egg fragile face to the world. After some face focused beatdown Beefcake double clotheslines both heels, but doesn't tag out. Instead he hooks IRS in the sleeper. DiBiase hits him from behind and everyone dominoes down on top of Hebner. Hogan gets tagged in and starts rolling through his usual finish sequence. He takes Beefcake's mask and nails both DiBiase and IRS with it. The faces cover both guys but Hebner's still down. Hart runs in, turns his jacket inside out, which has been conveniently and with a great deal of foresight lined with ref stripes, and counts 3. The Mega Maniacs act like they actually won and take the belts. Backup ref Danny Davis runs in and raises Money Inc's hands as winner by DQ. Two title matches, two shitty non-finishes. Afterward those gracious losers Hogan and Beefcake threaten Davis with physical violence for making the right call the bastard. Harts calms them down, then throws Davis out himself. The Mega Maniacs celebrate like they won anything. For. Ev. Er. Finally they take Money Inc's abandoned briefcase and open it, exposing some tax forms, some money, and a brick. Heenan: "You never know when you'll need a brick!". They give away the money to the crowd as they finally and mercifully leave. *1/4

Mr. Perfect perfectly botches his promo, trying to say Narcissist and having Lugerist come out instead. The whole thing degenerates to word salad and he leaves.

 

"The Narcissist" Lex Luger def Mr. Perfect in 10:56- Luger's got the women with him and they're all showing off their rear assets. Can't complain about that. His mirrors have built in pyro, which is pretty cool. Arm wringer and hammerlock exchanges to start. Perfect gets a gut shot and a kneelift. A nice speed sequence ends with a Perfect dropkick and Luger bailing. Luger gets a cheap shot over the ref in the corner. Perfect catches a kick, takes Luger's knee out and goes to work on it. Stepover toe hold. Big .8 Flair chops from Perfect. Luger reverses a corner whip and Perfect whacks his previously hurt back hard. Luger works it, ramming it into the apron and pounding on it with the suspiciously powerful forearm. Luger gets a double leg takedown in the corner and tries a rope leverage pin. The ref catches him. Powerslam for 2. Perfect sunset flip for 2. Perfect tries a sleeper. Luger backs him into the corner. Perfect counters a backdrop with a small package for 2. Luger Bret bumps and gets slingshot into the top turnbuckle. Perfect hits a missile dropkick and covers. Luger gets a foot on the rope. He goes for a backslide. Luger reverses it, gets Perfect down, and the ref counts 3 even though Perfect's legs were on the middle rope. After the bell Luger knocks Perfect out with the forearm. Why wasn't that the finish if he was going to win and do the KO shot anyway? On a different night this might have turned out pretty good. The thing about shitty shows is they tend to drag everything down. **1/2

After Perfect recovers he attacks Luger out back, but Shawn Michaels is right there and he takes Perfect out while Luger runs. You know, Shawn vs Perfect is exactly the high profile, potential show stealing match you'd like to have at, say, WRESTLEMANIA?

 

The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) def Giant Gonzalez (w/Harvey Wippleman) by DQ in 7:33- Taker has his famous entrance riding in on a cart with a vulture. Midring staredown. Taker no sells clubbing blows and hits throat thrusts with Gonzalez's ridiculously horrible sells. Gonzalez chokes. Taker gets on the second rope and chokes back. It's a choke fest. Gonzalez hits a blatant low blow right in front of the ref. Taker dodges a charge, wraps up Gonzalez's arm, and does the rope walk punch. Gonzalez sells it like he slipped on a patch of ice. Gonzalez gets a boot up, hits a clothesline and hiptoss. He hooks in a standing chinlock that goes on. And on. And on. Finally they do the arm drops and Taker recovery. Taker throws himself out while Gonzalez tries to make it look like he threw him. Beatdown on the floor with some stair shots for Taker. Back in Gonzalez headbutts and Taker keeps getting up. Slow slugfest with Taker getting the advantage. Wippleman gets on the apron. Taker chokes him as he throws something in the ring. Gonzalez headbutts Bearer, grabs the cloth, and smothers Taker with it. Commentary says is smells like chloroform. Taker goes out as the ref calls for the DQ. A gaggle of officials run in and Taker does the stretcher job. Gonzalez kills time in the ring until Undertaker's Dong hits and Taker comes back from the back. Diving clotheslines get Gonzalez down and he bails. This is the kind of match that makes you want to gouge your own eyes out to never risk having to watch another wrestling match ever again. It's the wrestling equivalent of Count Rugen's life draining Machine in the Pit of Despair- watching it takes years off your life and is almost as painful. This has a serious claim on the title of worst match on the history of Wrestlemania. Still, Taker goes to 3-0 at WM. MINUS FIVE STARS

And the worst part is, the WORST PART IS....they have a rematch at Summerslam.

Mean Gene recaps some of Yokozuna's path of destruction through the WWF, then has a prematch interview with Hulk Hogan because at that point there was always a main event prematch promo with Hulk Hogan. Hogan says he's 100% behind Bret for sure uh huh yeah brother.

 

WWF Championship: Yokozuna (w/Mr. Fuji) def Bret "Hitman" Hart (c) in 8:55- Yokozuna is billed as the heavy favorite with the champion the underdog. As soon as Yokozuna finishes his prematch ceremony Bret hits him with a running missile dropkick! He goes for mounted punches. Yokozuna pushes him off. Bret tries to maneuver a waistlock but Yokozuna gets out and absolutely runs him over with a shoulderblock that sends Bret outside. Yokozuna swings a foot out at Bret, but Bret dodges, grabs it and ties it up in the ropes, getting Yokozuna down! He hits some punches and an elbow off the second rope. Clotheslines stagger Yokozuna until he counters with his own clothesline. Big legdrop and beatdown. Yokozuna locks in the Nerve Pinch of Oriental Agony +2. Bret gets a boot up in the corner, gets on the second rope, and goes for what looks like should have been a bulldog but he lands on Yokozuna's back instead. Yokozuna goes down and Bret covers for 2. Yokozuna superkick. Snap mare and back to the nerve pinch. Bret dodges an avalanche and hits the bulldog this time for another 2 count. Pretty sure the repeated the spot there. Bret goes for mounted punches again. Yokozuna tries to drag him away. Bret grabs the top turnbuckle pad on the way down and it comes off. Yokozuna takes the exposed buckle shot and is down! Sharpshooter! Fuji throws salt in Bret's face, and Yokozuna covers for 3 and the title. Weak ass finish. I swear Ole Anderson is working this show. He could have at least done the Banzai Drop, even after the salt shot. Bret did the best he could, and the time constraints and finish did no one any favors. *1/2

As soon as the bell rings Hogan is in the ring arguing the finish. As he's helping Bret Fuji grabs a mic and challenges Hogan. When he gets no response, he says Yokozuna will put the title on the line RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. Bret signals it's OK and Hogan charges in.

 

WWF Championship: Hulk Hogan def Yokozuna (c) (w/Mr. Fuji) in :22- Yokozuna grabs Hogan and Fuji loads up more salt. The ref is standing there watching it. There was no bell so I guess that means there's no rules, but how is it an official match then? Hogan dodges and Yokozuna gets the salt. Clothesline, legdrop, and done. Hulk Hogan is now a five time WWF champion. This is one of the most egregious examples of committing wrongbook in wrestling history. Hogan talked himself into another title win even though he didn't want to work full time, didn't want to be there, and was seriously waning in popularity. It would take Vince and Co nearly a year to fully fix this mistake.

OVERALL SHOW THOUGHTS- There's shit, there's bad shit, then there's rancid putrescence that could kill anyone within a 50 foot radius and should be classified as biological warfare. That's this show. This is a very clear gateway show into the horrible mid-'90s years the WWF would slog through before the first inklings of the Attitude Era in '96 started to perk things up again. Put simply: Worst. Wrestlemania. Ever.

OVERALL SHOW GRADE: F