Uncensored '95

Legacy Review

Uncensored '95

March 19, 1995 from the Tupelo Coliseum in Tupelo, MS

Commentary: Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan

This is the first new PPV on WCW's '95 schedule. Though in a way you could call it a rebrand, as Spring Stampede, which was first run in April of '94, was taken off the calendar for the time being. In what could be seen as an attempt by WCW to get in on the niche being carved by ECW's success, this night is being presented as UNSANCTIONED UNFILTERED NO RULES. That's an important point, every single match tonight is supposed to be no DQ. Every single one. Remember that. All the matches with champions are also non-title because of the gimmick rules, which was standard for WCW at the time.

The show opens with Mike Tenay taking Mean Gene's place in the opening standup. He'd also be doing Mean Gene's interview duties tonight as Okerlund has tonight off. Let's just say he was not quite ready for prime time yet but we all know he would get better. There's lots of talk about Jimmy Hart being missing, and also a tease for the debut of....well, I'll wait to get into that mess. During the open we immediately cut to the footage for the opening match....

King of the Road Match: The Blacktop Bully def "The Natural" Dustin Rhodes in 13:06- So. King of the Road Match. What kind of crap are we getting ourselves into, you ask? I'm glad you did because the WCW brain trust outdid themselves for this one. First off, the whole thing is pretaped and edited. Both wrestlers are in the bed of an 18 wheeler truck. Not just any 18 wheeler, it's nothing but steel beams and chain link fence. And hay inside. Lots and lots of hay. I can't help but wonder if this was a custom job or if they found a truck out there like this. The goal of the match is to fight your way to the front of the truck bed, climb up, and honk a horn that's been placed up there. The truck is being escorted by police around the rural roads in presumably the Tupelo area, but they never go in the arena so this could have just as easily been done around Atlanta. There's also a full film crew- camera in the truck, pickup truck riding next to the truck with a camera, and a helicopter camera. The setup and logistics are way, way more interesting than anything that happens in the match, which is just a bunch of weak brawling, attempting to keep balance on a moving truck, random climbing and some shots with the objects available in the truck. The most "exciting" thing that happens is probably the couple of times the truck has to slow down to take a turn. Or when it gets stopped completely to let a school bus go by. It also noticeably slows down when the wrestlers both get up on the top of the rig. There's a lot of edits masquerading as "interference", and some kind of time travel as the scene keeps switching back and forth between midday and late afternoon/sunset. And it goes on for way, way, WAY too long. Commentary even gets bored after a while, and it's a good thing they shut the arena mics off completely because who knows how bored the crowd got. Oh yeah, the match such as it is. Both guys are up top by the horn, Dustin gets knocked off and Bully blows the horn to win. Now, there is one important thing here: WCW was very strongly a no blood zone and both guys were told to keep it clean. They both bladed and bled anyway. That's part of the reason for the Joel Schumacher Batman movie-like headache inducing edits, they were trying to cut around the blood. That lead to both guys being fired from WCW. Dustin landed in WWF a few months later and changed the industry with Goldust. Frankly, no one wanted late career Darsow. He floated around the indies before getting another WCW run a couple of years later. Whoever came up with this match should be strapped under the 18 wheeler and taken on a coast to coast tour. MINUS FIVE STARS

Backstage Col. Parker goes on an epic, crazy rant before mercifully being cut off by Tenay.

 

Martial Arts Match: Meng (w/Col. Robert Parker) def "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan in 7:04- This is Meng's (Haku) WCW PPV wrestling debut after working as Parker's bodyguard for a while. Of course he wrestled for years in WWF, Heenan even managed him, but they act like he has no experience at all. Sonny Onoo, future heel manager for every New Japan wrestler that had a stop in WCW, is making his debut as the guest referee for this match. Don't bother asking what the rules are for this "martial arts match", they never explain them. IT'S UNCENSORED, THERE ARE NO RULES. Duggan is dressed for a street fight. He refuses to take part in the formalities before the match and everyone argues about it. A ton. Like, excessively. For frak's sake, do something! Finally Duggan puts his pride aside and does the honorary bow....and Meng unshockingly kicks him right in the face. Duggan hits forearms and Meng chops. Duggan pulls off his boot and starts hitting Meng with it. I'm not sure what martial art that is but whatever. Let's call it the Malcolm Reynolds school of combat. Meng locks on the Nerve Pinch of Match Killing +1. Duggan whacks him with the boot again, then no sells a bunch of kicks and punches Meng. They choke each other at the same time. I'd call them Greco Roman Throat Holds but Taichi would call bullshit on it I'm sure. Back to the nerve pinch. Duggan shoulderblock, Meng throat chop. More weak brawling. Duggan does a horrible delayed bump off a chop. He almost always looked like he wasn't sure how to go down properly. And we get a trifecta of nerve pinches because why not. Duggan tries to headbutt Meng and hurts himself. Meng misses an elbow drop. Duggan pounds away and tries to toss Onoo out of the way. 3 point stance clothesline. Meng pops right back up. Parker gets on the apron and takes a shot. There's a big clusterfuck with Parker and Onoo holding Duggan. Meng hits a superkick in the chaos and covers for the pin. That was an extremely stupid match. DUD

We get a long, badly edited video package on Arn Anderson. I can almost hear someone in the edit suites at Turner yelling at an underling to "do it like MTV, that's what the kids are watching" but no one had a clue how to actually do it. While that's going on I'm also trying to find a reset button for this show because it sure as hell needs it.

 

Boxer vs Wrestler Match: Johnny B Badd (w/Rock Finnigan) def WCW World Television Champion Arn Anderson (w/Col. Robert Parker) in 9:22- Badd is playing the part of "boxer" for this match because of his Golden Gloves background. Finnigan was apparently his real life trainer back then. Badd's wearing boxing gloves but Arn isn't. The rules are win by pin, submission or 10 count KO. It's also a boxing round structure, 10 3 minute rounds with a 1 minute rest period between. Round one, Arn tries a takedown but Badd jabs. Arn tries to position in the corner but Badd pummels him to the floor. Back in more Badd jabs rock Arn. Arn gets a knee to the gut but it doesn't slow Badd down. The bell rings with Arn down in the corner. Round two starts much the same as round one. A Badd flurry gets a knockdown. Arn gets a leg takedown but misses an elbow drop. Badd starts getting some hard shots in with Arn going down several more times. Tony explains there's no TKO rule. The bell rings to end the round. Arn kicks Badd and plants him with a DDT! Fantastic. Badd sits on his stool in the corner...and Arn attacks him again! He throws Badd over the top to the floor right before the bell to start round three. Arn gets a slam and kneedrop. He slowly works Badd over for most of the round. Parker sets up Arn's stool in the corner. Arn throws Badd into it, breaking the stool! That was good. World's Greatest Spinebuster! Finnigan jumps on Arn's back! Order is slowly restored. Arn cuts off a Badd flurry with a knee to the gut and tosses Badd outside again as the bell rings to end the third round. Finnigan starts setting up the corner stool. Arn tosses Badd into him! Finnigan cuts off the tape on one of Badd's gloves. Arn attacks before the bell again. Finnigan puts his bucket on Arn's head! Badd punches the bucket! He takes his glove off, hits the Tutti Fruiti punch, and gets the pin. Well that wasn't nearly as horrible as it could have been. Both guys tried hard to make it work and the overbooking subverting the normal boxing rules was both fun and totally in character for Arn. **

 

"Macho Man" Randy Savage def Avalanche by DQ in 11:44- Ring announcer Gary Capetta goes full Buffer on Savage during his intro. Never go full Buffer. Avalanche charges the ring and Savage jumps him as he slides in. Shoulderblock standoffs. Avalanche jaws. Savage slaps him! Savage dodges and Avalanche goes OVER THE TOP ROPE down to the floor. For a guy his size that's not easy. Savage goes up top and hits a CROSSBODY down to the floor. That was different. Tony reemphasizes everything is no DQ tonight and "Nick Patrick is just here to count a winner or loser". Savage tries a slam and Avalanche falls on him for 2. Big elbow and leg drop. Belly to belly suplex. Avalanche dropkick! Savage is getting something out of him tonight. Savage dodges another elbow drop but is still hurt and gets tossed to the floor. Avalanche posts Savage and spends a while continuously knocking him off the apron. Savage blocks an apron suplex and snaps Avalanche's throat over the top rope. Clothesline off the top. Avalanche does the big kickout at 1. Clotheslines from Savage and a sunset flip. Avalanche squashes him. Big splash for 2. Powerslam. Avalanche cues up the Quake splash. Savage wisely rolls away. Why didn't more guys do that? Savage back elbow and roll up for 2. He tries coming off the top again but Avalanche catches him and runs him into the corner. Another powerslam. Savage dodges a splash off the second rope. Avalanche goes to the floor. Classic Savage double ax handle off the top to the floor. Vintage even. A woman comes out of the crowd and attacks Savage! They get Savage back in the ring and double team him. The woman takes off the wig....AND IT'S RIC FLAIR! RIC FLAIR IN DRAG! Yes, this is the infamous Flair in drag appearance. And, being Flair, when he's in he's all in. He's got on makeup, nail polish, everything. I'd bet he's got a bra and panties on too. I'm not checking to find out though. Hogan runs out and chases the heels off. There's no bell to end the match, but Patrick raises Savage's hand. Yes, on a night when everything has been advertised ad nauseam as NO DQ, Savage wins the match by DQ. Pure WCW. Other than the crap finish Savage looked on form again and got as much out of Avalanche as anyone could, even if they did spend the second half of the match clearly marking time before the screwy finish. Better days were soon ahead for him. *3/4

 

Big Bubba Rogers def Sting in 13:43- After having The Boss nixed by lawyers after WWF threatened to sue and The Guardian Angel pulled after the Angels didn't want to be associated with wrestling anymore, the former Big Boss Man is back to his original name and heel gimmick. He points a finger at Sting after the bell. Sting bites it! He puts on Rogers' hat and wraps his jacket around Rogers. A dropkick sends Rogers to the floor. Sting squashes Rogers' hat! Dick move. But funny. Backdrop and continued Sting beatdown. Rogers goes to the floor again and tries to drag Sting into the corner. Sting pulls with his legs and Rogers goes into the post. Big splash. Sting slaps Rogers, wanting him to fight back. On a corner whip Rogers slides under the ropes and leads a chase out and back in the ring. Sting leapfrogs and Rogers runs into him. That looked botchy, but Sting immediately grabs his knee and that's the focal point of the rest of the match so I guess not. Rogers goes to work on the knee. Heenan: "Go to a hospital with a bad knee in this town and they shoot you!". His "hick town" shots at Tupelo have been pretty good all night. Tony goes in detail into Sting's extensive knee injury history. Sting tries to fight back but Rogers kicks his knee again. Spinning toe hold. After that Rogers changes to a more general beatdown for a bit. Sting backdrops out of a piledriver but the knee gives out again. More knee work follows. Rogers goes to the top rope....slips off and falls back to the mat! That was ugly and it could have been very bad for Rogers. And it was definitely not planned, Sting was poised to take a clothesline or tackle when Rodgers went straight down instead of into him. Sting ax handle off the top rope. He slams Rogers but continues to sell the knee. Sleeper! Rogers gets a tie out of his pocket and uses it to get out. Sting ducks a punch and hits a German suplex. Splash off the top for 2. Still selling the knee. Sting tries another slam, but the knee gives out, Rogers falls on top of him and gets a clean (!) pin! Decent match that on another night might have turned out pretty good. Sucky shows have a tendency to drag everything down. Sting continues to tread water at best after Hogan's signing. **1/4

Tony announces the next PPV, Slamboree in May, which is advertised to again be a legend's reunion and they will have more Hall of Fame inductions.

 

Texas Tornado Falls Count Anywhere Match: The Nasty Boys def WCW World Tag Team Champions Harlem Heat (w/Sister Sherri) in 8:43- The Nastys had a couple of classic all arena plunder brawls in matches that involved Mick Foley the previous spring, so they're being asked to recreate the magic minus the man that made the magic happen. You can guess how well this is going to go. Harlem Heat no show their entrance and attack the Nastys from behind through the crowd. The first part of the match is brawling in the ring that's not great, not completely horrible. After a few minutes they start working their way up the aisle and this is where the fun begins. Way off in a dark corner by the far side of the entrance stage there's been some seriously fake looking concession stands set up, miles away from anywhere fans have access to. Maybe a wrestler desperately needed some popcorn during the show. Could be all they could afford for catering for this show, we don't know. Anyway. They all look like they were stolen from the set of a '50s sitcom, and with Turner owning it they could be authentic originals from The Andy Griffith Show. Sags and Ray arrive first, knock over some popcorn and take out some lemonade. A tray gets grabbed and tossed, which knocks a whole mess of cotton candy onto the floor, as well as a red liquid of indeterminate origin. It's this red stuff that causes the most problems. It goes all over the floor and instantly turns this from a wrestling match into an impromptu Slip N' Slide party. Ray dumps a bunch of cotton candy on Sags. Yes, cotton candy. As a weapon. In a wrestling match. Everyone is slip sliding around. Knobbs falls on his ass. Booker tries to run Sags into a stand, slips and falls. It's like an ice rink, no one can get any footing. Now the Nastys toss mustard all over Heat, as if this wasn't a big enough mess already. Knobbs falls on his ass again. Everyone looks completely lost. Sherri slips and goes down. Sags tries to clothesline Booker and he goes down. Sags hits Ray in the face with a wicker basket. A WICKER basket. I'd almost call the cotton candy a more believable weapon. Booker and Knobbs fall into a stand and the whole thing collapses on them. Both of them have "fuck this" looks. Knobbs manages to weakly slam Booker into the stand rubble and pin him to mercifully end this disaster. Off camera, of course. Sherri tries to run in after the bell and slips and falls again for the turd nugget cherry on top of the shit sundae. Everyone gets the hell out of town as quick as they can. MINUS FIVE STARS

Yes, that's not one, but TWO MFS matches on one show. For some context, in over 200 reviews on this blog to date I'd had barely a half dozen matches rates MFS across all of them before this one. You almost have to preplan to have something this awful.

Vader and Flair dispose of Tenay's services to conduct their own interviews. Flair's still got makeup and nail polish on. Dedication. Or, I mean, a lifestyle choice. That's his business.

 

Strap Match: WCW World Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan (w/the Renegade) def WCW United States Heavyweight Champion Vader (w/Ric Flair) in 15:28- This is a rematch from Starrcade, where Vader showed he had zero interest in working a typical Hogan vs big man match, wrestled a normal Vader match, showed Hogan up and got cheered by the crowd for it. Now Hogan is going to make him pay with the power of the 24 inch Backstage Politics Pythons. The "Jimmy Hart is missing" story continues as he's not out with Hogan. Hogan's "ultimate surprise" also doesn't come out with him. Vader is raring to go but Hogan hesitates putting the strap on. Now Hogan's surprise comes out with his own entrance. This, boys and girls, is the debut of the Renegade. So, word is that Eric Bischoff wanted this to be the Ultimate Warrior but Warrior wasn't interested. Yet. Bischoff decided to make his own Warrior instead, because that had worked so well the other myriad times WCW tried that since about 1990. The best way I can describe the Renegade is if someone was given a vague description of the general idea of what Ultimate Warrior was, and then went and watched a bunch of Tarzan movies and said "That'll work. It's all funny money to Ted Turner anyway". Renegade's music even sounds like Warrior's. He chases Flair off while Hogan attacks Vader on the floor. Hogan pulls Vader's mask off. Both seconds come back to ringside as Hogan chokes and bites Vader in the ring. Renegade and Flair play cat and mouse around the ring. Hogan continues the beatdown and whips Vader with the strap. Flair comes in and gets whipped. Renegade no sells Flair chops on the floor and chases him off again. Vader slides out and Renegade slides him back in. Vader uses the strap to pull Hogan into tackles. Vader bomb! He chokes Hogan with the strap a while, then takes the strap off Hogan and whips him with it. I repeat, he took the strap off Hogan. I mean, what's even the point of the match? Jimmy Hart is alive! I suppose someone cares. His clothes are all torn up as he makes his way ringside. Hogan goes out. Vader gets a chair but Hart stops him. Hogan grabs the chair and nudges Vader with it. He finally puts the strap back on and uses it to pull Vader into the post. Flair bounces off of Renegade in the ring to keep himself amused. Hogan takes the strap off again (for frak's sake) and there's a bunch more whipping and choking as it appears Hogan's idea of a good match with Vader is "fuck all happening". Vader gets slammed on the floor and Hogan starts touching posts as corners. I guess that's legal. Vader cuts him off at two by running him into the guardrail. Vader finally lays in a couple of potato shots but don't you dare make Hogan look bad. Renegade no sells a Vader clothesline. Vader gently choke slams Hogan in the ring. I'm starting to think he's deliberately taking the mickey out of what he was told to do. Big splash. Suplex. Hogan pops up. Strap whips, big boot, legdrop. Hogan gets 3 corners and Vader hooks a rope. A masked man runs in and takes out Renegade with a chair. He actually sold something. Flair hits Hogan with a wooden chair. Vader and Flair double team Hogan while Renegade takes another chair shot before the masked man disappears. Vader gets to the 3 corners, then Flair of all people stops him. He sets a chair under Hogan's head. Vader comes off the second rope, Hogan moves and Vader sentons the chair. Flair pulls Vader out of the ring. Vader's strap came off somewhere in there too. Flair hits Hogan with another chair and we get a Hulk Up. He whips Flair with the strap and gives him a big boot. Then Hogan puts the strap on Flair, easily drags him to all four corners, and the bell rings. Hogan wins even though he drug Flair around, not his actual opponent. It's UNCENSORED I guess. After the bell Vader and Flair attack again. Renegade comes in and we have a standoff. The masked man is back. Or is he? A tied up Arn Anderson hops out in a black suit. The masked man pulls his mask off, and it's Randy Savage! The presumption is Arn was the original masked man, Savage attacked him backstage, just so happened to have an identical black suit or stole Arn's spare one, and came out with the mask on to screw with the heels. I can only imagine how confused the live crowd was watching this with no commentary to explain it all. The show ends with another 5+ minute Hogan victory celebration. The match was a God awful mess. Hogan probably thought it was a masterpiece. DUD

If anyone can figure out the logic to the ending of the main event, please let me know. My brain is done.

OVERALL SHOW THOUGHTS-

OVERALL SHOW GRADE: F