Uncensored '96

Legacy Review

Uncensored '96

March 24, 1996 from the Tupelo Coliseum in Tupelo, MS

Commentary: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan and Dusty Rhodes

The first Uncensored in '95 (which was in this exact same arena, lucky people) was a disaster of epic proportions, one of the worst shows any major company has ever put on. It has to get better this year, right? Fortunately they're not claiming that this will be a night of all no DQ matches. They tried that in '95 and in pure WCW fashion still had a match end by DQ. The massive structure for the Doomsday Cage Match main event is taking up the entire stage area, everyone makes their entrance through it.

WCW United States Heavyweight Championship: Konnan (c) def Eddie Guerrero in 18:27- This is face vs face, and two on screen good friends going at it to boot. Still almost no reaction for Konnan on his entrance. Guerrero got a marginally bigger reaction, he's already starting to become a cult favorite. After a lockup stalemate Konnan gets the edge on the mat, armdragging Guerrero down. Guerrero does the lucha top rope springboard armdrag. He works Konnan's leg with some unique headstands, then puts on a figure four. Konnan gets to the ropes. Ugly rolling leg takedown by Konnan into a bridge for a near fall. Guerrero snap mare into a chinlock, then into a butterfly hold. Konnan counters into a leg grapevine with a bit of an ankle lock, twisting Guerrero's leg around. He goes into a Boston crab and Guerrero gets a rope break. Konnan rolls through a hiptoss attempt into an armdrag. Both guys turn on the jets into rapid fire cover attempts. Slap from Konnan! Guerrero slaps back and they both shove as things break down a bit. They pause to let the crowd dual chant. Another win for Guerrero there. Takedown from Guerrero. He gets Konnan up top and gives him a hurricanrana for 2. Camel clutch. Konnan fights and his push out sends Guerrero to the floor. Again they pause to let the crowd chant a bit, not as loud as last time. Konnan works out of a headlock into some more rapid fire counters. Guerrero ends up on the floor again. Konnan teases a plancha but Guerrero moves out of the target area. Back in to some more mat wrestling. Konnan gets armdragged to the floor. Guererro hops up top but this time Konnan retreats before he can dive. Back in Konnan gets a monkey flip but Guerrero lands on his feet. A flying headscissors sends Konnan out to the floor. Before he can do anything Guerrero comes off the top with a dive! Slingshot senton for 2. Guerrero puts on a figure four style headlock. Konnan slowly fights out into a kind of Mutalock. German from Konnan. He goes for another but Guerrero rolls him up for 2. Konnan roll up for 2. Clothesline for 2. Guerrero gets a hurricanrana but gets way too elaborate with his maneuvering into a cover and Konnan gets out at 2. Konnan Razor's Edge powerbomb for a long 2. They both go up top again and Konnan dumps Guerrero down to the floor. Tope suicida, but Konnan comes up well short of hitting Guerrero. I think it was accidental but he sells missing it. Back in Konnan hits another clothesline for 2. They go up top again, do a lot of positioning, and Guerrero hits a superplex. Slow cover for 2. He calls for the frog splash. Konnan gets up and tries to slam him off, but Guerrero rolls him into a cradle for 2. Whip and Guerrero leapfrog. Konnan catches him and headbutts him right in the crotch! Guerrero is down and Konnan covers for 3. Lots of questions from commentary on that as to whether it was intentional or not. Konnan seems sorry after but Guerrero blows off his apology. They finally paired Konnan up with one of the few guys that could get a good match out of him. That was by far the best match on an Uncensored to date. ***

 

The Belfast Bruiser def Lord Steven Regal (w/Jeeves) by DQ in 17:33- The Belfast Bruiser is Fit Finlay (father of current Bullet Club leader David Finlay) making his major show North American debut. This is a classic England vs Ireland battle, and that's exactly what the feud was built around. Finlay slaps Jeeves on his way in, tosses the football shoulder pad half of his jacket at Regal and we're on! Big Regal hip toss for 2. European uppercuts. Finlay counters with a high kick. HUGE Finlay clothesline. Stiff PK kick to Regal's back. Regal uppercuts back and puts on a cravat on the mat. Finlay hits knees to Regal's face to get out. Regal gets tossed to the floor. Finlay drops him on the guardrail and posts his shoulder. Back in Finaly works that shoulder. Regal works out with knees and kicks. Dropkick. Finlay forearm to the bad shoulder. More back and forth mat work with stiff escapes. Regal lays a boot across Finlay's throat to choke him out of the view of ref Nick Patrick. Big Finlay headbutt, followed by a slam and senton for 2. Regal works out of a chinlock/sleeper but gets nailed with another stiff clothesline. Finlay runs Regal's head into the apron and gives him a guardrail shot. He goes for a fan's front row chair! All the chairs are ziptied together so he can't get it out. Apron suplex fight. Regal suplexes Finlay out to the floor! Elbow drop off the apron. More stiff back and forth back in. Finlay kicks the bad shoulder again to an appreciative pop from the crowd. Regal suckers Patrick in with a phony tights pull complaint and nails Finlay with a huge low blow. That was a 50 yard punt, minimum. More uppercuts. Finlay counters with an eye poke. Finlay blocks a sunset flip. Regal gets Finlay down and grinds a knee in his face. Finlay reverses a corner whip and hits a backdrop that was all about a hard landing, not height. Regal fights off a Boston crab attempt. He whacks Finlay hard on the side of the head right on the ear. Finlay with a punch to Regal's throat. He runs Regal's back into the apron. Straight right hand from Finlay on the floor and Regal is busted open over his eye. That was all caught on camera, no blade job there, that was Finlay legit breaking Regal open with a punch. Finlay stays on the cut. Regal uses his legs to flip Finlay over the top back to the floor. They go up the aisle and Regal runs Finlay into the "doomsday" cage. Before they get back in the ring the Blue Bloods run out and attack Finlay for a cheap DQ. Regal slaps the beat down Finlay hard and leaves. Booooo to that finish after that fantastic stiff as hell match. That was British strong style at its finest. Modern guys like Pete Dunne and Tyler Bate no doubt took a lot of inspiration from this match. This is now the best match ever on an Uncensored to date. ***3/4 

Tonight's hotline shill: a superstar wrestler is rumored to be hanging up his tights for good to go into "of all places" Hollywood! Yeah, no one on the current WCW roster has ever tried that, right Mean Gene? For the record they're talking about Bret Hart, who following his Wrestlemania 12 loss was taking a few months off after wrestling full time for nearly a decade nonstop to rest up his body and try out some acting roles.

 

Col. Robert Parker def Medusa in 3:47- From that to this. The catalyst for this match is mentioned only in passing by commentary- Medusa ruined Parker's wedding. They don't mention Sherri at all, I don't know if her contract was up and they weren't sure if she'd be back or what. Parker's wrestling in his dress shirt and pants. With elbow pads. He offers a handshake that Medusa naturally refuses. Lockup! And Parker breaks clean! Dusty absolutely loses it on commentary seeing that. Another long lockup and Medusa gets an armdrag. Parker lifts her in a fireman's carry and gives her an airplane spin! Medusa screams at the top of her lungs, then works down into a roll up for 2. She slams Parker! Commentary can't call the match they're laughing so hard. Parker walks out and has a conversation with Dick Slater. Back in Parker chokes Medusa and slams her down. Medusa dodges an elbow drop. Shotgun dropkicks off the second rope send Parker outside again. Medusa dive off the top rope! Back in Medusa ducks a clothesline, waistlock, and she hits a German suplex! Slater pulls one of her legs out of the bridge. Parker gets on top of her and gets the pin. Honestly, that wasn't as completely horrible as it could have ended up being so I'll be generous. 1/4*

Mene Gene is in the back with the Road Warriors. Both Animal and Hawk try to start at the same time. Animal takes it, which is tradition anyway. Hawk teaches us about the medulla oblongata, then drops a classic Hawk line: "You'll be depending on Depends for the rest of your life!".

Ad for Slamboree, which will feature the return of the Lethal Lottery and Battlebowl for the first time since the Battlebowl PPV in November '93.

 

I Quit Wrestling Match: The Booty Man def Diamond Dallas Page in 16:00- This isn't an I Quit match, it's a fancy name for a retirement match. Well, a one way one. DDP is putting his career on the line against getting his lottery bingo money back. This was supposed to be the final blowoff of the long(LONG)running DDP/Johnny B Badd feud but Badd left the company after Superbrawl for the WWF. In his place WCW has turned Ed Leslie/Brutus Beefcake face again, and given him his 5th or 6th different name and gimmick in less than two years in WCW. This time he's a hyped up fitness instructor type character, and his (awful) name comes from the cheeks cut out tights he's been wearing since his Brutus Beefcake days. Commentary laughingly tries to explain the turn by claiming BM was a mole for Hulk Hogan in the Dungeon of Doom all along. Right. Kimberly Page/Diamond Doll has also become openly infatuated with BM as part of the story. Grody. As soon as the bell rings DDP steps out to the floor and jaws with the fans. Commentary runs Badd down, saying he couldn't cut it "where the big boys play". Clearly he looked at the adjective. Both guys hop on the turnbuckles to get crowd reactions. Finally we have contact with an arm wringer tradeoff. DDP hides in the ropes. Big BM shoulderblock and DDP is on the floor again. BM dodges a corner cheap shot on a break and floors DDP. The stall fest continues. BM grabs the top rope to avoid a punch and struts. He dodges a corner dive. DDP crashes and falls out yet again. DDP gets on the apron and jaws with Patrick. Patrick pushes DDP back off the apron! DDP takes a walk up the aisle. BM chases and attacks. Back in the ring DDP begs off, then tights pulls BM into the corner. BM sells for almost a whole 15 seconds before going on offense again. DDP falls out of the ring again and flops over the guardrail. Kimberly is out in some kind of BM themed cheerleader outfit, but with a much puffier skirt. DDP jumps BM getting back in the ring. Headlock into a criss cross. After a bit they just....stop. DDP mocks BM's strut. Another BM punch puts DDP in the ropes and BM stomps him. DDP tries for what I think was an armdrag but BM just says screw you and falls on him. What the hell was that? DDP ducks a dive and BM crashes on the mat. DDP stomps BM and jaws at Kimberly. BM Bret bump and DDP back suplex. Chinlock! They do the arm drops. On a chinlock. BM fights out and DDP cuts the comeback off with a knee to the gut. Moar chinlock! With illegal rope leverage this time. After a few minutes BM gets up and DDP hair pulls him back down. If you can think of any cliche spot, it's probably in this match. Another BM fight out, the exact same way as the first time, but DDP gives him a hot shot. More jawing at Kimberly and she gets up on the apron. DDP kisses Kimberly! Kimberly slaps him! BM hits a sloppy high knee and gets the pin. Afterward BM plants a huge one on Kimberly and everyone in the front row needs vomit bags. Probably everyone watching on TV too. I'm really not sure what the whole forced retirement angle was supposed to accomplish, but DDP would be back in less than two months and would continue his rise up the ranks. Some of DDP's selling in the first half was entertaining, but between all the stalling and the general awfulness of Ed Leslie there was too much dragging this down. DUD

Jimmy Hart says he'll stand by his word and tonight will be the last time he accompanies Lex Luger to the ring. He even gives Luger one of his custom jackets as a parting gift. Luger denies that he's leaving his tag partner and best friend Sting in the lurch.

 

The Giant (w/Jimmy Hart) def Loch Ness in 2:34- Loch Ness is British wrestling legend Giant Haystacks in his is first ever run in the US. He was brought in with the intention of being the Dungeon of Doom's latest monster and, unshockingly, was going to feud with Hogan after Giant, but after signing with WCW he was diagnosed with lymphoma and this would end up being his last ever match before passing away in 1998. The winner of this match gets a world title shot against Ric Flair tomorrow night on Nitro. Giant gets a quick jump on offense and hits some chops in the corner. Boot corner choke. Ness responds with headbutts. Giant goes for an avalanche. Ness dodges and Giant falls over the top rope down to the floor! Ness elbow drop. He calls for a second that Giant dodges. Giant clothesline, high kick, and legdrop and it's over. Giant would defeat Flair for the title to get his first proper run with it, but for reasons I can't remember it didn't happen for another month. I'm sure I'll have that for the next PPV. The match was all it could have been considering the participants. DUD

 

Chicago Street Fight: Booker T and WCW World Tag Team Champion Sting def The Road Warriors in 29:33- Booker agreed to team with Sting while Luger was otherwise engaged in the hopes of getting Harlem Heat another title shot. It's tornado, no DQ and falls count anywhere rules for this one. Hawk jumps Booker in the aisle during Booker's entrance and it's on. But Booker still has his sunglasses on! With no tags the entire match is a chaotic brawl with all four guys going at it and constantly swapping off so it's hard to fully recap. Hawk backdrops Booker on the floor. Booker comes back in and absolutely nails Animal with a great scissors kick, and covers for 2. Animal hits a powerslam. Animal crotches Sting on the post. Hawk drops Booker on the guardrail. Sting returns the favor and crotches Animal on the post. This is only the beginning of the nadger warfare there'll be in this match. Booker piledrivers Hawk on the floor. Hawk, to the shock of no one, no sells. Even on the floor. Booker hits a superkick. Big Animal clothesline on Sting for 2. Sting faceplants Animal. Booker whips Animal into the rail. Cover on the floor for 2. Animal catches Booker coming off the top rope. Hawk dropkicks Sting in the aisle. Sting wanders off. Booker puts an armbar on Hawk. Sting is back with a chair and hits Animal with it. Hawk takes a chairshot in the ring. Right to the head. Nice flop sell from Hawk. Animal gets the chair and goes to town with it. He covers Booker for 2. Booker heel kick on Animal. Sting piledrives Hawk. Guess what happens. Yup, right back up. Hawk powerbombs Sting. Animal and Booker take turns choking each other with a TV cable. Hawk tosses Sting into the crowd and beats him down out there before tossing him back ringside. More chairshots. Sting backdrops out of a piledriver on the floor. Booker and Animal go up the aisle and Animal is run into the cage. Hawk dodges a Stinger Splash. Animal gets crotched on the top rope. Booker clothesline off the top on Hawk. Animal and Sting collide and Sting does his "accidental" crotch flop. Hawk back suplex on Booker. Animal low blows Sting. Booker side suplex on Hawk. They're starting to wear down and guys are starting to mess up each other's spots. Hawk corner whips Booker right through Sting and Animal, they have to bail quickly. Sting misses a splash off the top. Hawk comes off the top. Booker dropkicks him in midair! Animal dodges a Booker plancha and he splats on the floor. Sting and Hawk muff a collision. Hawk gets crotched while Booker and Animal trade suplexes. This match is starting to overstay its welcome. More crotching. We're going to need some serious icepacks in the back after this match. Hawk clothesline off the top on Booker. Both Booker and Sting put camel clutches on as things really start to bog down as everyone is getting tired. Hawk clotheslines Booker 360 to the floor. Sting comes off top but Animal powerslams him. Animal tries for pins but can't keep Sting down. Booker DDTs Hawk on the floor. Hawk is too tired to pop right back up. Chop exchange on the floor. Booker misses an elbow drop in the ring. Spinaroonie! He decapitates Hawk with a heel kick! Animal has another chair and wears Sting out with it. Sting dodges and Animal clotheslines the post. Sting lays in some chairshots. Hawk gets a chair and hits everyone with it. Sting leaves again. Hawk powerslam on Booker for 2. Sting is back, and he has brooms! Two of them. Nothing special, just a Cleansweep Six and a Comet 260. WCW can't afford a Nimbus, much less a Firebolt. Broom shots for everyone. Animal breaks one of the handles and chokes Sting with it. More brawling as this is starting to get to "how the hell is this match still going" territory. Booker takes a walk to the back. Hawk splash off the top on Sting for 2. Animal follows Booker. Cameras cut backstage where Animal and Booker are fighting. Luger is there, posing in a mirror! He's The Narcissist again. Animal accidentally hits Luger! Luger jumps in the fray, as does Stevie Ray. They tape Animal to one of the arena posts! Young Toru Yano is taking notes. Hawk dodges a Stinger Splash on the floor and Sting crashes into the rail. Booker is back out and runs Hawk into the steps. Side suplex back in. Booker goes up top. Hawk dodges the Harlem Hangover! Stevie Ray runs out and nails Hawk in the back with a chair! Booker covers for the pin! After the bell we see Animal has not just been taped, but also handcuffed. Sting and Booker shake hands, deal apparently done for a Harlem Heat title shot. The first 10 minutes or so of this was actually pretty good, but then it just went on. And on. And on. And on. By far the best thing in the match was Booker T, showing how far he's come and early flashing the form that will later turn him into a singles star and one of the better in-ring workers of his era. **1/2

Tony says the rules for the main event are "simple". Uh huh. The "doomsday cage" is a huge three tier enclosed cage structure surrounded by scaffolding and stairs, with a ring in the bottom level. Hogan and Savage start at the top, when and "if" (snigger) they "win" a level they move down one level, the goal being to get to the bottom ring level and "win" there. What defines a "win"? We aren't told. Think this thing will be WCW'd in the rules? Oh yeah. I'll say one thing though, they brought all the pyro to blow the cage up before the match even starts.

 

Doomsday Cage Match: The Mega Powers def The Alliance to End Hulkamania (w/Jimmy Hart, Elizabeth and Woman) in 25:16- The Alliance consists of: World champ Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Kevin Sullivan, Lex Luger, Meng, The Barbarian, Z-Gangsta (Zeus from WWF, oh yeah WCW got him out of mothballs), and The Ultimate Solution (the less said about him the better). So it's an 8 on 2 handicap match. Apparently Brian Pillman was also supposed to be involved, Tony wonders why he isn't out there. It's because he was already gone, on his ECW stopover before heading to Vinceland. Arn in a Nitro crew t-shirt is pretty funny. Very little pop for the faces on their entrance. The crowd smells a huge shit coming, like watching a fat man get into a public bathroom stall (I'm a fat guy, I can say that). Flair and Arn are in the top level to start with Hogan and Savage. Part of the problem at this particular point is the cage floor is made of the same chain link fence as the rest of the cage with no support, so it's very difficult to even walk on, much less try to wrestle. Everyone tries to brawl as best they can, at least they're starting with the only three good workers in the whole match. And Hogan. Flair can still chop at least. They tend to stay around the edges because that's where the best footing is. There's two support posts in the middle of the cage and those are also used a lot for offense. Savage manages to bump on the chain link floor. Another issue is this whole structure is horribly lit, the live crowd probably can't even see what's going on. Some would say they're better off. Savage manages to slam Arn. Commentary hypes up the fact this is on PPV. You mean I paid to watch this shit? Thanks for reminding me. I need to rethink my life choices. Buying some death sticks might be a better option. Arn gets a figure four on Hogan. Flair puts a figure four on Savage. Both faces reverse. Flair drops some kind of weapon down to the middle cage. I'd laugh if it fell through all the way to the bottom. The Megapowers have powder and use it. While Flair and Arn are blinded they go through the trap door to the next level down. Was that winning? Sure didn't look like winning to me. That was as much winning as you get from a Trump-backed Senate candidate. But it's WCW, we continue because no one knows what the rules are anyway. In the middle cage are Sullivan, Meng, Barbarian, and Luger. Unique to this level is a wall and door cutting the cage in half. Both sides have small weapons and use them. Tony wonders why Zeus Gangsta and Solution aren't out there yet. Hogan uses a chain to lock the door in the middle, locking Barbarian and Meng out and isolating Sullivan and Luger. Flair and Arn come down to the middle level. Again, rules? Because shut up I guess. Hogan opens the outside door and takes Sullivan out to the scaffolding! RULES? I give up. They've escaped the DOOMSDAY CAGE. Sullivan teases falling off the scaffolding and dying. Then, they walk down the stairs to brawl on the floor. Rul....fuck it. Luger and Savage follow. Hogan steals Buffer's mic and uses it! He and Sullivan go into the ring. Not the ring inside the cage, the proper ring. Nothing is real anymore. The next 5 or so minutes is Hogan, Savage, Sullivan and Luger doing the same 2 on 2 around the ring area brawl that we'd already seen too much of in the last match. After a bit Solution and Gangsta finally deign to come out for the match and get involved in the brawl. I know this will shock you but Zeus is no better than he was in his 1989 WWF run. The new arrivals drag Hogan and Savage into the bottom level cage ring. Everyone faces off and it's a clear reset for the last act of this masterpiece. Did Hogan and Savage "win" the second level? No one knows or cares. More terrible brawling follows. After another 5+ minutes of that Arn and Flair get in the bottom cage to make it 4 on 2. While Hogan and Savage are down Booty Man comes out and hands them powder and....frying pans. FRYING PANS! WE'RE HARDCORE TONIGHT! Everyone takes pan shots, and it gets exposed pretty quickly they're made from very flimsy plastic. Now Luger comes in and attacks, getting the faces down again. Luger puts on an obviously loaded glove. Flair holds Savage for Luger to hit, but Savage ducks. Luger hesitates, then hits Flair anyway! That was clearly intentional. Now for the final turd nugget cherry on top of the shit sundae: Hogan walks out of the cage, clearly thinking it's his usual escape rules match even though it's clearly not. Savage starts to follow him, then remembers they need to FINISH THE DAMN MATCH, quickly turns around and goes back in, pins Flair, and the bell rings to end this atrocity. Hogan and Savage get the hell out of town quickly. So does most of the crowd, clearly disgusted with this mess. There's war criminals tried at The Hague that have done less damage to humanity than this abomination did. MINUS FIVE STARS, and if I had a rating lower than that this would get it.

OVERALL SHOW THOUGHTS- It teased us with the first two matches being good, then whacked us upside the head harder than one of Fit Finlay's clotheslines. In case you didn't get the picture, I really didn't like the main event. Still, the Bruiser/Regal match is worth checking out to see some British strong style on a major US show years before the modern generation popularized it more.

OVERALL SHOW GRADE: D