Bash at the Beach '99

Legacy Review

Bash at the Beach '99

July 11, 1999 from the National Car Rental Center in Fort Lauderdale, FL

 

Commentary: Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan

 

The new WCW signature at the top of the show is here. Still hate the logo. As always the beach set looks good if nothing else. We've got a two man booth for the first time in forever in WCW because Mike Tenay is off on location to cover the Junkyard Invitational. In one of the most nonsensical moves of a nonsensical era, after fighting over the WCW Presidency for months, Roddy Piper has turned heel and joined Flair's administration as vice president, establishing themselves as the full heel authority figures currently controlling WCW.

 

Ernest "The Cat" Miller (w/Sonny Oono) def Disco Inferno in 8:07- This whole thing started over, I'm sure this will shock no one, a dance contest. I'm guessing Disco turned face for this. Before the match Miller demands another dance off, puts his red dancing shoes on, and goes to town. Disco does his disco and Miller tries to jump him, but Disco was ready. Disco STOMPS ON MILLER'S HAT while whipping him across the corners. Wars have started over less. Miller takes a powder to think about things. Back in Disco dodges a bunch of Miller kick swings and attacks again. Inverted atomic drop. Regular atomic drop. Clothesline on the forehead for 2. Miller swings a back kick and I guess catches Disco with the side because he sells it. Miller tosses Disco out and Oono lays his usual kicks in. Both guys take guardrail shots, and that guardrail is DOUBLE LAYERED tonight so you know it really hurts. Missed opportunity by commentary to point that out really. Back in Miller gets a blatant low blow in. Disco manages a sunset flip for 2 but immediately takes a Miller superkick. Miller does a ton of bragging before covering and only gets 2. Disco dodges a diving chop and bites Miller's hand. Setup slam and Disco hits the dancing elbow off the second rope for 2. Russian leg sweep from Disco for 2. Another Miller superkick hits for 2. Disco tries for the LastChartDanceBuster whatever it's called this minute, but Miller pushes out and hits ANOTHER superkick. Disco pounds Miller down in the corner. Miller eye rakes out and gets his Loaded Red Dancing Shoe of Death that Oono placed in the corner for him. Disco stomps on Miller's foot, gets the shoe, and nails Miller with it! Cover but Oono has the ref distracted. When he turns around Disco only gets 2. Oono distracts again while Miller gets the shoe on. Kick to Disco, cover, and Miller gets the pin. Scary to say, but Disco carried Miller to something "better" than his usual. *1/4

 

WCW World Television Championship: Rick Steiner (c) def Van Hammer in 4:51- This is straight up heel vs heel. Tony calls Hammer a "young star". Yeah, he's only been around since 1991. Barely getting going. Lockup! Rick immediately goes to corner cheap shots. Hammer hits a couple of clotheslines and big boots Rick to the floor. Suplex from Hammer back in. Rick slugs back, drops an elbow on Hammer's side, and eye gouges and chokes for all he's worth. They go to the floor and Rick hits the DDT on bare concrete again. I can't say how much I hate doing that as a transitional move. Rick tries to cover on the floor then shoves the ref away when he won't count. Straight low blow from Hammer on the floor. Rick hits some more punches in the ring that look pretty straight. He keeps Hammer grounded and pounds away on him. Another toss out. Hammer grabs a chair and nails Rick with it. Clothesline off the top rope back in for 2. Hammer lifts Rick up, but Rick bites him right in the groinal area. I'm not joking. Then follows up with, what else, a low blow. And a Greco Roman Nut Punt. Bulldog off the top and it's thankfully over. This was the end of Hammer's latest mini-push, and in fact would be his last PPV match ever. 1/4*

 

Back at the junkyard, Tenay and a referee (with the WCW logo on his shirt taped off because it's UNSANCTIONED) show off the junkyard setup and the "Hardcore Champion" trophy the winner will get. Any bets on that thing not lasting the night?

 

WCW United States Heavyweight Championship: David Flair (c) (w/the Flair entourage) def Dean Malenko in 3:05- From one of the WTFiest of the WTF Files from this period, crazy heel WCW President Ric Flair last week on Nitro stripped Scott Steiner (who's also a heel) of the US Title for no other reason than he wanted to, then presented it to his son David. I get doing this as a heel, but the problem is David Flair had done absolutely nothing in his appearances to far to show he had any natural wrestling talent or charisma whatsoever. It's Erik Watts all over again, but Bill Watts didn't even try to make Erik a champion. Former Horseman Malenko is trying to save the title. Malenko immediately shoves David down out of a lockup. Another lockup and Malenko owns David again. David tries a waistlock but Malenko easily armdrags him down. David is dumb enough to shove Malenko and that really sets Malenko off. After a suplex Ric runs in and immediately gets punched down. Malenko gets the cloverleaf on David and here comes the shenanigans. Arn comes in and beats the ref down. Lil' Naitch takes the ref's shirt off and puts in on himself. Asya gets in Malenko's face and gets slammed and cloverleafed for her trouble. Ric then hits Malenko with the belt. Lil' Naitch puts David on top, counts 3, and this farce is over. The only reason I'm not giving it MINUS FIVE STARS is because they at least kept it really short. DUD

 

Elimination Match: The No Limit Soldiers def The West Texas Rednecks in 15:35- The "country vs rap" war continues. The principles had a normal tag match at Great American Bash, but this is a Survivor Series style 4v4 match. The West Texas Rednecks are made up of leader (and Minnesotan putting on a hilarious southern accent) Curt Hennig along with Bubby Duncum Jr, Barry Windham and Kendall Windham. The No Limit Soldiers are Cruiserweight champ Rey Mysterio Jr and Konnan along with a very miscast Brad Armstrong as BA and WCW newcomer Swoll. Big brother Barry and Mysterio start while commentary goes on about how Swoll must be awesome because former AWA star Brad Rheingans trained him. Let's put it this way, this would be Swoll's only PPV match before retiring at the end of August with only nine recorded matches under his belt. Windham gets a quick start before Mysterio tries to fight back. They do some pretty decent big guy vs small guy stuff and Mysterio hits a moonsault for 2. Got me thinking, get peak late '80s Windham in there with almost any era Mysterio and it could be a really damn good match. Anyway, Windham quickly bails after the moonsault and tags out to Hennig. BA tags in and was fully prepared for Hennig. Things downgrade significantly when we get Duncum and Swoll in there together. Kendall and Swoll is no better. That exchange gets our first low blow of the match, check that one off. Swoll dodges and Kendall crashes into the corner. Mysterio tags in and bumps around for Kendall. Kendall catches Mysterio trying a springboard dive and Mysterio uses his position to leverage him over the top rope in a pretty ugly looking dive. I guess we're going lucha tag optional rules here because Konnan and Hennig come in for a run with each other. Mysterio and Konnan unleash some double teams and Duncum takes the shitty bronco buster. Swoll ducks a Duncum crossbody attempt and covers for what looks like 3 but Nick Patrick doesn't call it that way. Mysterio hits a springboard legdrop, and this time Swoll covers and gets a pin that didn't look like 3 but was counted that way. Duncum is out. Things break down a bit with a couple of the No Limit Soldiers B team beating on Duncum on the floor on his way out. Once things settle back in it's Windham knocking Konnan around and hitting a suplex for 2. After being in peril a bit Konnan gets a tag to BA, giving us a bit of BA on Hennig action. Again, put these two together around 1991 and it could be a hell of a match. Sadly they fall apart some into a really rough exchange. Hennig eventually grabs BA, hits the Perfectplex, and gets the pin to eliminate BA. Kendall has the edge on Konnan until Konnan dodges a kneedrop off the second rope. Rolling clothesline from Konnan. Faceplant. Brother Barry breaks the pin up. Mysterio springboard dropkicks Kendall into an absolutely awful cradle from Konnan, but it gets the pin and Kendall is now gone. Barry Windham comes in and Saito suplexes Konnan for 2. DDT for 2 as again the No Limit B team is beating up on the eliminated Rednecks member. Sleeper from Windham on Konnan. Konnan jawbreakers free, but Windham is still up first and hits a clothesline for 2. Another rolling clothesline from Konnan. He clotheslines Windham on the ropes and they both slowly flop over to the floor. More floor fighting as one of the No Limit seconds literally carries Windham away, and Konnan walks with them for.....reasons. They're both counted out and we're down to just Hennig against Mysterio and Swoll. Windham comes back in while Swoll is pounding on Hennig but Swoll runs him over like he's not even there. Hennig goes to the floor but gets the ire of a Keith Lee looking guy that's on the No Limit B team. Mysterio climbs on Swoll's shoulders, hits a super big splash on Hennig, and gets the pin for the win. That could have turned out fairly good but there were just too many rough and confused spots during the course of the match. **

 

Junkyard Invitational- From the company that brought you such classics as the King of the Road match and Hogan vs the Giant in a monster truck duel on a roof, here comes the Junkyard Invitational. This came about because crazed President Flair decreed that all hardcore matches are now banned "from his arena". So, naturally, they're going out of the arena. This was organized by Hak and everyone in this is here at I assume his request. I feel very certain in saying this whole thing was pretaped. A ref standing on the safe side of a chain link fence blows a horn and we're off. In this we've got Hak, Brian Knobbs, Hugh Morris, Horace Hogan, both members of Public Enemy, Steven Regal, David Taylor, Mikey Whipwreck, Fit Finlay, Jerry Flynn, Ciclope, La Parka and Silver King. I'm not getting deep into this because it's a giant mess with cars and car parts and tires flying around and thanks to the way it's shot it's damn near impossible to see what all is happening. The only real light besides all the trash can fires scattered around the area is a spotlight from the helicopter giving us aerial shots. It's kind of funny someone bothered to bring a chair and trash can considering all the other options that are out there. Even with the pretape and editing they manage to get a cameraman in shot at one point. Despite being "on location" Mike Tenay doesn't chime in for any of this, it's just Tony and Heenan calling the tape from the arena. Guys bump off cars. Guys bump into cars. Guys do short dives off cars. After nearly 15 very long minutes that more resembles a badly shot action sequence in a crappy '80s gang movie than anything on a wrestling show, the culmination starts when Hak puts Finlay in the trunk of a car. Someone else comes up with a forklift and puts the car in the crusher, but Finlay had already escaped before literally dying. While no one's watching him Finaly goes to the gate, something randomly explodes, and Finlay climbs the fence and escapes the junkyard to win. Back to the arena and the crowd is clearly enthralled by what they just saw. DUD

 

In a minor upset, the Hadrcore Champion trophy survived the carnage. At least for tonight. 

 

Handicap Match for the WCW World Tag Team Championship: The Jersey Triad (c) def Chris Benoit and Perry Saturn in 23:17- This is Benoit and Saturn getting their rematch after losing the titles to DDP and Kanyon at Great American Bash, but this time they have to take on the whole Jersey Triad group with Bigelow joining the match. The Triad had been defending with multiple different combinations under Freebird Rules anyway. After a small bit of discussion Saturn and DDP charge in throwing haymakers at each other to start things off. DDP is the first down, but he uses that to muscle Saturn into the corner. Saturn hits a superkick and clears the apron off of everyone. The Triad regroup on the floor. Bigelow and Benoit tag in. Bigelow's power wins first, then Benoit drop toe holds him into the middle turnbuckle and dropkicks him out to the floor. Another think on the floor for the Triad. Kanyon's turn against Saturn. Saturn quickly pounds him down in the corner as commentary alludes to their Flock history in very broad brushstrokes. Kanyon fights off a t-bone suplex with an eye rake. Speed run and Kanyon uses the ref to fight off a German suplex. Benoit chops Kanyon from the apron and Saturn hits the t-bone suplex. Huge clothesline from Benoit. Snap suplex and Benoit stacks Kanyon up in a Liontamer type Boston crab. More chops from Benoit. Double snot blow from Benoit and Saturn! Followed by a double clothesline for 2. The faces keep Kanyon isolated. Backbreaker from Benoit for 2, then he starts working on Kanyon's knee. Wishbone from the faces on Kanyon and Saturn hits a flash basement dropkick. Legdrop off the top from Saturn for 2. The Triad guys maneuver Saturn into DDP crashing him into the barricade on the floor. Now Saturn's in peril. Big delayed suplex from Bigelow. Diving headbutt for 2. Kanyon drops a low blow legdrop on Saturn for 2. Of course the crowd would choose this match, the only one you could likely count on being halfway decent tonight, to get a damn beach ball out. And yes it didn't help that the Junkyard Invitational was just before this. Bigelow wraps up a chinlock on Saturn while the crowd gets it out of their system. Kanyon sets Saturn on top, then goes up himself for what looks like a super elaborate move, but either legit slips and crotches himself or did a great job making it look like he legit slipped. Saturn recovers to superplex him back down and gets the tag to Benoit. Sounds like the crowd is refocused now as Benoit goes on the hot tag flurry, but the numbers pile up on him as DDP hits a clothesline off the top rope. DDP then goes nuts and flops off the top rope to the floor, then climbs up the barricade and shouts as the crowd. I hope he said "Fuck your beach balls!". Slow cover from Bigelow for 2. Now Benoit is in peril and DDP drops an elbow in his lower abdominal area. Kanyon gets a sunset flip with DDP helping him get Benoit over for 2. Kanyon takes his glove off and chops Benoit. Sit out spinebuster. Saturn saves the pin. Bigelow tags in and goes nuts with diving headbutts. The crowd is still randomly chanting "asshole" and booing so I guess there's still some stupid shit going on somewhere. Beniot tries coming back but Kanyon gives him a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Russian leg sweep/elbow drop combo for 2. DDP hooks on a front facelock so I think we all know what's coming. Yup, after a Benoit fight there's the phantom tag spot. Sit out powerbomb from DDP for 2. Legdrop off the second rope from Kanyon for 2. Benoit suplexes Kanyon out of a facelock but Bigelow cuts the tag off. Back suplex from Benoit on Bigelow. He goes for a Saito but Bigelow turns into it and squashes Benoit. Bigelow goes up top and goes for as much of the moonsault as he can still do. Benoit dodges! Both sides tag and now Saturn goes nuts. Belly to belly suplex on DDP. Superkick for Kanyon. DONNYBROOK! Saturn Cactus clotheslines Kanyon AND DDP! Saturn dropkicks Benoit into Bigelow and they both go up top. Saturn big splash. Benoit headbutt off the top! DDP comes off the top rope onto Benoit to break the pin up! Saturn fights off the Diamond Cutter and northern lights suplexes DDP for 2. He lifts DDP up for the DVD. The ref gets knocked down by DDP's legs and Kanyon throws powder in Saturn's face! Wait, he got DDP too! DDP Cutters Kanyon not knowing who it its! Benoit covers but Bigelow just gets Kanyon's foot on the rope. Saturn superkicks DDP into a Benoit German with a bridge. DDP JUST kicks out! Bigelow cuts off any more Germans and everyone's in the pool again. DDP slides what looks like a small trash can in the ring. The ref goes down again and DDP hits Benoit with it. Saturn ducks and Kanyon takes a can shot. Double team Diamond Cutter on Saturn! DDP covers, Bigelow wakes the ref up, and DDP gets the pin to retain. For the second straight month these two teams delivered on otherwise total shit PPVs. In fact this match was pretty freaking awesome, classic tag team action that used the time it got very well and never got bogged down or boring. It's even more impressive given the fact they had to fight against a distracted crowd almost the whole time. ***3/4

 

Boxing Match: Buff Bagwell (w/Judy Bagwell) def "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (w/Ric Flair) in 6:36- Yay. Boxing on a wrestling show. This always goes well [/sarcasm]. Especially when Piper is involved [/notsarcasm]. Bagwell got under Piper's skin by trying to be helpful and interfering in his match with Flair at Great American Bash. Then Piper turned and aligned with Flair right after. Logic. WCW has gotten nearing the end of his 15 minutes of fame "Judge" Mills Lane in for this. A longtime high end boxing ref, Lane rose to national fame when he was the ref for the infamous fight where Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield's ear off. He became a bit of a pop culture icon, featuring as the referee in MTV's popular claymation show Celebrity Deathmatch with much use of his catchphrase "Let's get it on!", and recently he'd just gotten his own courtroom TV show, hence the "Judge" moniker. Bagwell takes the mic and says he knew Piper would have Flair in his corner, so he has his own corner....person, his mom Judy. Yes. Really. Sadly it's far from the last we'll see of her in WCW. Bagwell's actually in boxing gear, I guess that's something. Piper's in his normal wrestling tights. Once again I'm just going to breeze through this nonsense. Most of round 1 is back and forth before Piper lands a knockdown punch. Bagwell is quickly back up. I'm no boxing expert but it looks like Piper is wearing gloves that are double his size. Between rounds Flair sprays something on Piper's gloves behind Lane's back. At the start of round 2 Piper immediately pokes that whatever it is into Bagwell's eyes, allowing Piper to dominate most of the round before Bagwell gets a corner flurry for a knockdown near the end. Piper jumps Bagwell before the round 3 start bell. Judy gets in the ring and bites Piper's ear for the mandatory Tyson ear bite reference. Judy then puts the corner bucket on Piper's head and Bagwell decks him. Lane clearly allows all of this by the way. Bagwell goes up, hits the Blockbuster, and pins Piper because who the fuck knows what the rules were supposed to be in this mess. Commentary doesn't even bother to try to explain it. Of all the attempts at boxing matches on wrestling shows, that might have been the worst of them all. MINUS FIVE STARS

 

As we get to the main event I just want to point out that the video recap packages have been ridiculous tonight, often showing long unedited segments from Nitro with no real rhyme or reason and only tenuous connections to the matches. 

 

Tag Team Match for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship: "Macho Man" Randy Savage and Sid Vicious (w/Team Madness) def Kevin Nash (c) and Sting in 13:21- Sid made his shock return to WCW at Great American Bash, interfering in the Nash/Savage title match and allying with Savage. Kind of weird for a guy that famously doesn't play well with others. Apparently the rules of this match are anyone can pin Nash to win the title, even his partner Sting. So why the hell make it a tag match, why not just have it a four way? Nice to see Sting survived his vicious mauling by multiple attack dogs at GAB completely intact by the way. After some stalling and Savage's usual very detailed positioning of his women Sting starts with Savage. Savage offers a handshake while Gorgeous George walks over to Nash's corner, apparently joining the other side. Savage is not happy about that. Sting jumps Savage from behind on the floor and knocks him around in the ring. Savage falls back into his corner and tags Sid. We go right into typical slow Sid offense. Two years away from the big leagues, he hasn't changed any. Sting hits a crossbody and both partners threaten to run in but don't. Sting 360 clotheslines Sid to the floor. Sid comes right back in and starts working Sting over again. Savage distracts Nick Patrick so Medusa and Miss Madness can get their shots in. It's not long before Sid grounds Sting, and the match, with a camel clutch. Nash has had enough, coming in and breaking it up. The heels stay slowly working Sting over to keep him in peril. Sting fights back, hits a standing dropkick, and tags Nash in. Nash side suplex on Sid. Corner knees on Savage. Corner clothesline and boot choke. Measured elbows in the face corner. Sting tags back in and knocks Savage around the guardrail a bit. Savage dodges and Sting Stinger Splashes the guardrail. The women push Sting into the post. Sid tags in and once again quickly goes to the chinlock. Sting fights back and does the usual "accidental" head first fall into Sid's crotch. Both sides tag. Nash big boot on Savage. Another side suplex on Sid. EVERYONE IN THE POOL! Including the women. Sting gives Miss Madness and Medusa a double noggin knocker, then hits Sid with a Stinger Splash. Stinger Splash for Medusa. One for Miss Madness. Savage dodges and Nash takes a Stinger Splash! Sid chokeslam on Sting. George gets in the ring while Nash has Savage hooked up for the jackknife and low blows Nash. To the shock of absolutely no one her going into Nash's corner was all a ruse. Sid gives Nash a setup slam, Savage hits the Savage elbow, and Sid allows Savage to pin Nash and win the title. Team Madness runs wild, which honestly booking wise is not the worst call they could have made. Savage had almost nothing left in the ring, but the group had gotten reasonably over as heels. The match, however, was pure trash with zero effort or fucks being given by anyone involved. As always with these types of matches I also have to reiterate my stance that, on principle, I completely disagree with ever having singles titles on the line in tag team matches. 1/2*

 

OVERALL SHOW THOUGHTS- If not for the tag title match this would have gone down as one of the absolute worst shows of all time. The summer of '99 is when WCW really started to slide into a hole so deep they couldn't crawl out of it, and Turner execs were starting to take notice. Changes, once again, were on the horizon.

OVERALL SHOW GRADE: D-