UWF Blackjack Brawl

Legacy Review

UWF Blackjack Brawl

September 23, 1994 from the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas

Commentary: Carlo Gianelli and John Tolos, who are atrociously awful

I went in depth of the creation and early days of the UWF in my review of their one and only PPV, Beach Brawl. Following that commercial and creative disaster, UWF held only one more TV taping in 1991 and parted ways with SportsChannel America. Herb Abrams refused to let his dream die however. I say that like it's a positive thing. It's not. UWF returned for one mass four hour/episode TV taping of UWF Fury Hour in mid-'92 on a deal to show them on another regional sports network called Prime Ticket, then there was another hiatus. There was another show taped for TV in the summer of '93 as, I kid you not, part of the North Dakota State Fair but it never saw the light of day. That brings us to September of '94. Abrams renewed his partnership with SportsChannel America, who agreed to air this live PPV sized special Blackjack Brawl as a new gateway into the revival of the UWF. Needless to say, it didn't go according to plan as this would be the final show the UWF ever produced.

The opening hops on the hype train and never eases up, calling this the "biggest wrestling extravaganza EVERRRRRRRR!". Yeah. And yes, it's another minuscule crowd. The official attendance is 600 in a 17,000 seat arena, and it being Vegas I'm sure there's quite a few that were pulled in off the street to fill seats for TV. Herb Abrams opens up the show and he acts and sounds like he's spent all day indulging his favorite pastime. Snort a couple more lines, Herb. Blackjack Mulligan is here for....reasons. We can't hear any of his promo as Abrams holds the mic too far away from him. We cut to commentary and they call this Blackjack Brawl I. One? ONE? I'm calling that seriously optimistic. Gianelli and Tolos do this whole bit where they fake bitch at each other for not paying to be at the show. Um, isn't the whole point of the job you're doing is to, you know. GET paid? I'll give them one thing, they put some work into the entrance stage. Not a ton, but some. It's an early '90s WWF style arch, minus the lights. The ring announcer is hilariously awful and one of the highlights of the show for unintentional comedy. He spends the whole show begging the few fans there to cheer for everyone, face or heel, while going about .6 Buffer. Basically he's acting like the warm up act for the taping of a sitcom. Maybe that's his real job. Apparently the idea to get the UWF revived was to create a shitload of titles. I guess the theory is you have a bunch of titles, you have a company that can't die. As with Beach Brawl and the previous UWF run however, Abrams did manage to talk some fairly major and known names to work this show.

Inaugural UWF Americas Championship: "Dangerous" Dan Spivey def Johnny Ace (w/Missy Hyatt) in 7:17- Like with Ace's match at Beach Brawl, both these guys are All Japan veterans so there's some familiarity here. They crossed paths in early WCW in the tag division too, Spivey with The Skyscrapers and Ace with the Dynamic Dudes. Ace gets a quick roll up out of the lockup. Spivey stalls. Corner break and Spivey gets some cheap shots in. Ace hits a back elbow, springboards up to the second rope, waits....waits....Spivey finally gets in position and Ace hits a reverse crossbody. A dropkick sends Spivey to the floor and he falls on a table that had a bunch of ice and drinks on it, which collapses. So much for free drinks for the fans. Spivey looks legit peeved. Back in Spivey hits forearms and dumps Ace to the floor. Diving back elbow from Ace. He stomps away and Tolos says those stomps would "kill a normal man!". Nice to see commentary really restraining themselves on the hyperbole. Very subtle. Spivey hits a back suplex out of a headlock. Ace dodges a legdrop. Spivey backbreaker for 2. Russian leg sweep. Ace dodges in the corner and hits a Saito suplex. Clothesline off the top for 2. Belly to belly suplex for 2. Spivey counters a suplex and hits a DDT for 2. Uranage for 2. Legdrop for 2. In between all those high impact moves he's been trying to get Ace caught in a cobra twist, a Japanese variation on an abdominal stretch. On the third try for that Hyatt throws in the towel! SWERVE! Spivey wins as that hussy Hyatt double crosses Ace! That's actually a really funny ending. Not what they were going for but I'm amused. Hey look at that, there's actually a belt! I'm surprised. The match was competent and in another setting those near falls would probably have been pretty good. And yeah, that swerve is hilarious. **1/4

Before commercial a graphic says "COMING UP: Curt Hennig". Back from break commentary says we're about to go to a very special interview.....then it never happens and is never mentioned again. Classic. This show has been an A+ for unintentional comedy so far. I wish I was riffing it live, Rifftrax style.

 

Inaugural UWF Junior Heavyweight Championship: "Wildman" Jack Armstrong def Mando Guerrero in 4:24- No offense at all intended to Mando, but his booking screams of someone in the UWF office saying "get me the Guerrero we can afford". Armstrong was a 30 year journeyman in the last year of his career that had done some jobber work for the WWF in the '80s. In fact, this would be his last match ever. He's also, according to rumor, Abrams' coke dealer. He's also got a manager or bodyguard with him that's never named or mentioned. Endless stalling before the bell as Armstrong and his manager/heavy jaw with the crowd. Gianelli says he's "entertaining the crowd", making him really come across like a man that's never watched a wrestling show in his life before. Guerrero literally sits on the top turnbuckle waiting for Armstrong to get in and start. Both guys hit the ropes and Guerrero hits a dropkick. And Armstrong powders. Of course. Back in Guerrero works a test of strength into a headscissors. Armdrag. Guerrero gets tossed out and the unnamed manager chokes him. Armstrong slams him on the floor. Guerrero hits a springboard moonsault! The back of Armstrong's head hit the guardrail and legit busted him open. Guerrero spinebuster for 2. He goes up top for another moonsault but Armstrong dodges, drops a couple of elbows, and gets the pin. No belt for this match, and yes that's something I'm keeping track of. 3/4*

 

Vacant UWF SportsChannel Television Championship: Sunny Beach def Dr. Feelgood (w/Missy Hyatt) in 5:24- Both Wiki and Cagematch say this match is for the SportsChannel TV title, which was the company's top title back at Beach Brawl, but the broadcast says this is just a "Special TV Match" and there's no sign of the one belt that they had made before this show. Sunny Beach was part of the top face tag team in the Beach Brawl days and spent a lot of the intervening years in All Japan, but he's really let himself go since then. Dr. Feelgood went by Al Burke in his years as a jobber in WWF, and had worked previous UWF shows as Mr. Outrageous. He's billed from "Pain, IA" and is claimed to be the chief surgeon at No Mercy Hospital. Punny. I don't think Pain, IA is large enough to have a major hospital. Beach opens with a hammerlock workaround into a roll up. Arm wringer tradeoff. Beach hiptoss and armdrag, then he hits the ugliest backdrop man has ever seen. Feelgood eye rakes and goes right to the backrake punch rakey heel offense. Hyatt gets in a shot with her Shoe of Moderate Heft +1. Beach turns a backdrop into a backslide for 2 and gets a couple of near falls off suplexes. Feelgood drops him with a uranage choke slammish...thing. DDT. He rolls out, opens his bag, and pours some ether onto a rag. Beach grabs his arm, pushes the rag on Feelgood's face, and pins him. After the bell Hyatt has a fit and Feelgood puts Beach out with the rag. Ugh. DUD

Mulligan says what Hyatt did in that match was dirty, just like what she gets up to outside the ring. Oh yeah, Mulligan's read the dirt sheets. Between commercials Abrams and Mulligan waste some time. Abrams says commissioner Bruno Sammartino isn't here because he's getting an award from an Italian-American association in "Pittsburgh, California". And snort another line, Herb. It's actually funny how off track they get before having to break for another commercial.

 

UWF Southern States Championship: "Cowboy" Bob Orton (c) and Finland "Hellraiser" Thor double DQ in 5:16- No, this is not another wacky adventure starring everyone's favorite space viking. Thor is, in fact, the artist formerly known as Tony Halme in New Japan and Ludvig Borga in WWF with an absolutely ludicrous one off name. Orton, who's inexplicably a face here, is the supposed champion coming in but doesn't have a belt. Lockup and Thor easily breaks a waistlock. Shoulderblock standoff. Orton has a think. Thor gets some knees in the corner. Orton dodges an avalanche. Thor starts hitting body shots and goes into corner beatdown mode. Side suplex. Snap mare and the dreaded double chinlock of doom because this match needed to slow down. Orton eye gouges out because once a heel always a heel. And who the hell books Bob Orton as a face anyway? Punches from Orton that look like they might be some stiff receipts. Halme was always known for working a bit snug. He sets up a piledriver but Halme backdrops him onto the apron. Not all the way to the floor, because the ringside area is way too busy. Orton takes advantage of that, grabs a cup of water and throws it in Thor's face. They brawl on the floor and the ref throws the match out. Hey, there's a belt down there! Why didn't Orton come in with it? The brawl continues after the bell and looks like it might be a real fight at some points, with Orton getting busted open hardaway. 1/4*

 

Inaugural UWF Midget World Championship: Little Tokyo def The Karate Kid in 7:07- "For the first time in wrestling history" we are crowning a world midget champion. Well that's bull, the NWA had a world midget's title for a while. And they've got a wee little belt for it! That's almost worth having this show happen. Kid swings some kicks and Tokyo hides in the corner. Basics follow. Kid hits a hiptoss and butt splash. Tokyo wants a TO. Kid works the arm and Tokyo hair pulls out. Usual midget spot of a little criss cross. Kid hides behind the ref and Tokyo keeps running the ropes before realizing. Test of strength. Kid does a monkey flip and both guys try for leverage pins. When Tokyo's on top the ref counts super, super slow. Tokyo is rightly upset. He stops everything and tries to teach the ref how to count correctly. Kid hits a powerslam and now the ref fast counts. Tokyo is again peeved, and he's right to be. I don't know what set off that little spot other than "midget match comedy", but it came and now it's gone. Throat chops from Tokyo. He puts on a full nelson that Kid reverses. Tolos keeps calling Little Tokyo "Tokyo Joe". Tokyo walks up the ropes to try to get out of the full nelson. Kid lets go and lets him fall to the mat. Hurricanranas from Kid. Tokyo dodges a dropkick. Kid charges. Tokyo hits him with a double throat chop and gets the pin. And the wee little belt. Inoffensive match. *1/2

 

Samson def The Irish Assassin in 4:30- This is billed as a "revenge match" but who's getting the revenge and for what will remain a mystery forevermore. Both these guys are your typical '80s roided up bodybuilders trying to have a wrestling match. Commentary makes a big deal about Assassin being a rookie. He's not just a rookie. This is only his second match ever. Put it this way- four years AFTER this match he had a cup of coffee in WWE's developmental system and clearly didn't last long. Samson (or Sampson on his match graphic) is supposedly substituting for Hercules for reasons unknown and is so irrelevant he doesn't even have a Cagematch page. They start out with the most pathetic, weakest looking lockup I've ever seen. They look like they're hugging by the neck. Stalemates all around. Assassin gives Samson a knee on the ropes and I don't know what the hell Samson thought he was selling but it wasn't that. More Assassin knees and a leaping corner clothesline. He lifts Samson up then just drops him down. I don't think that exactly went to plan either. Proper powerslam from Assassin. Samson dodges and elbow drop and slowly....slowwwwwwwwwwwly.....hits some clotheslines. It seriously looks like both these guys are wrestling underwater or in zero mavity. Samson hits a suplex with a bridge and that gets the pin. There wasn't a pop from the crowd for that abortion of a match being over, but there should have been. MINUS FIVE STARS

Hey, guess what? There's a 900 number! Of course there is. All proceeds go directly to Herb Abrams', er, stash.

Inaugural UWF MGM Grand Championship: Tyler Mane def Steve Ray in 6:27- Ray gets funky with the crowd and generally shows some good personality, something sorely lacking from this show. What. The. HELL is Mane wearing on his entrance. OK, I know this is a really deep Rifftrax cut, but I swear hand on my heart Mane is wearing random lion head from Samurai Cop. Seriously, just go Google Image search "Samurai Cop lion head" and compare. Mane, being 7 feet tall (and you can't teach that), wins the lockups. He turns to brag to the crowd and Ray rolls him up. They crank up the speed and Ray hits a clothesline. Mane powders. Back in Mane does some arm work with some Ray super selling. Ray dodges shots and does a crossbody but Mane catches and slams him. Ray dodges a kneedrop and goes to work on the knee. The hell? The ref is literally pushing Ray off Mane's knee even though they're in the middle of the ring and Ray is clearly doing nothing wrong. He separates the wrestlers, then physically pushes Ray back again while Mane is recovering. This is Danny Davis or NWO Nick Patrick level biased officiating, and he's not even supposed to be biased or a heel ref! UWF just had no clue how these things worked. Mane naturally takes advantage of the distraction, hits Ray from behind and back suplexes him. Choke slam. Mane goes for a kneedrop off the second rope and again Ray dodges. Mounted punches and slam from Ray. Mane pulls the top rope down and Ray flies to the floor. He sunset flips back in, but Mane drops on him, grabs the rope for extra illegal leverage and gets the pin. Man this ref sucks. The match had its moments. It's too bad Ray wasn't in a proper training system, he had some potential. Oh, and there is a belt. Check. *1/2

I'm honestly surprised they actually have belts for all these 47 championships they're starting on this show, I figured they'd just BS them all. Wonder what happened to them?

 

Vacant UWF Women's World Championship: Candi Devine def Tina Moretti in 3:24- And again we do have a belt. Our unintentional stand up comic ring announcer calls Divine "Candy Devin". Not just once. Again and again and again. Devin Devine is aggressive early. A Moretti dropkick sends Devine to the floor and they brawl a bit down there. Commentary is going full late '90s Jerry Lawler leering at the women and not calling the match. Divine armdrag and ARMBAR. Moretti responds with the same moves. Divine counters with a headscissors. She tosses Moretti by the hair. Moretti gets a crucifix but they roll over too much for a pin attempt and Devine escapes. Devine chokes in the corner, flips Moretti over and gets the pin. Woof. DUD

Inaugural UWF World Tag Team Championship: The Killer Bees def The New Powers of Pain in 11:30- I guess it's been long enough we can call them the Killer Bees without Vince's lawyers getting involved. The "New" Powers of Pain are original POP Warlord and newbie Power Warrior. Not Kensuke Sasaki sadly, but instead one of the Power Twins the Bees wrestled at Beach Brawl. Aaaaaaaaand we do have belts. I'm deeply impressed. Warrior and Blair start with Warrior showing off his obviously superior power. Tolos: "A good big man will always beat a good little man". Tell that to Rey Mysterio. After some stalling Blair cranks an arm. Hammerlock exchange. Blair gets a fireman's carry takedown. Warrior blocks a hiptoss and hits a clothesline. Bees double hip toss. Warlord comes in and goes right to the bear hug. Brunzell bell rings out. The faces go to work on Warlord's arm. Warrior tags in and the Bees start working his leg in almost the exact same way as the Beach Brawl match, and just as dull. Brunzell mixes it up a bit with a jackknife cover. After some spinning toe holds Warrior pushes Blair, Warlord pulls the top rope down and he falls to the floor. Warlord posts Blair's back. Heel double clothesline and Blair sells like he slipped on a banana peel. Slow Warlord beatdown. Warrior bear hug. Warrior comes off the second rope. Blair gets a boot up and both sides tag. Brunzell hot tag run. Warlord hilariously no sells an apron punch. The Bees slingshot Warrior into a clothesline off the top rope. Warlord breaks the pin up. DONNYBROOK! The ref gets tossed out. Bees double dropkick on Warlord. Warrior's twin is out and they switch. The heels set up for a double team move, but then the camera goes onto Brunzell trying to get the ref back in and completely misses whatever Blair did to counter and cover. All we see is the pin. Genius camera work. *

Lumberjack Match: Cactus Jack and "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka double countout in 9:03- This is only a week after Jack lost a Loser Leaves WCW match to Kevin Sullivan, the on screen cover for Bischoff firing him because he'd never draw. Uh huh. Snuka had also just wrapped up his ECW run. As Sunka's getting in the ring the ring announcer does one of his "If you're having a great time tonight say YEAH" bits. Snuka looks right into camera and, intentional or not, looks to be saying to everyone "can you believe this guy?". It takes forever for the lumberjacks to come out. I can picture UWF employees rushing backstage, rustling them up and reminding them "Mr. Abrams" needed them to do this tonight. Pretty much everyone that's had a match tonight to this point is out there, minus the women and midgets. Jack offers a handshake. Snuka carefully takes it. Very basic start with Jack actually doing some wrestling. Snuka shoulderblocks. Jack gives Snuka a knee in the gut, and after a delayed sell Snuka falls to the floor. The lumberjacks push him back in. Headbutt exchange. Snuka wins that. Jack goes to the floor and resits the lumberjacks. Abrams randomly joins commentary to rant about HOW AWESOME HAS TONIGHT BEEN. Jack clotheslines Snuka 360 and out, and Snuka lands on the commentary tables. Jack stomps on him while he's laying on the table while all the lumberjacks pile up around them and commentary freaks out. Everyone fumbles around outside while Jack goes to get another table and throws it at Snuka. More weak brawling everywhere. Snuka gets back in and Jack goes to the chinlock. Yeah, neither of these guys is very motivated to do more than bare minimum for Mr. Abrams. Snuka slowly fights out. He hits the ropes, bounces off of Jack, and does a hilarious obvious flop over the top rope back to the floor. More weak brawling. Snuka gets a chairshot in. They fight up the stands and the bell rings. Look at all those empty chairs. Jack gets suplexed in an empty aisle for the mandatory Foley bump. That's a double countout in a lumberjack match. DUD

A DOUBLE COUNTOUT. In a LUMBERJACK MATCH. It's almost like they were trying to top themselves with the double countout in the street fight at Beach Brawl. The ending was even exactly the same with the fight up the empty stands.

 

UWF World Heavyweight Championship: "Dr. Death" Steve Williams (c) def "Malicious" Sid Vicious by DQ in 10:45- Both these guys were champions elsewhere at the time of this match. Longtime All Japan wrestler Williams was in his one and only run as the Triple Crown champion, while Sid was in his stint in Jerry Lawler's USWA between WCW and WWF runs and was their world champion. Basics and shoulderblock standoffs. Sid catches Williams with a big boot. Smart adjustment. Yes, Sid did something smart. Mark it down. Then Sid changes the script and works both arms. Williams tries to power out but ends up going to the ropes. Nose to nose jawing. Standing switches. Williams gets a takedown. Sid counters and stalemate. Headlock/headscissors counters. Sid chokeslam outta nowhere! Williams gets bounced off the turnbuckles. He tries to come back with forearms but Sid gets him down again. Slam for 2. Williams boot up in the corner and clothesline. Sid powerslam for 2. Chinlock! You knew it was coming. Williams slowly starts working back and hits a powerslam. THE RING BROKE! Right under the W in the UWF logo on the mat there's broken boards popping up. Not even the ring could take this show. Good thing it's the last match. Williams hits an avalanche as they try to work away from the broken spot. Sid dodges Williams coming off the second rope. He goes up top. Williams joins him. Superplex! Williams hits a powerbomb! Dan Spivey, Sid's old Skyscrapers tag partner, comes out and attacks Williams for the cheap DQ! Double powerbomb on Williams. Johnny Ace chases the heels off with a chair. Up until the weak finish the match was OK. It's definitely far from Sid's worst main event. Not even in the top, er, bottom five. *3/4

Abrams teases a steel cage rematch, which Williams was down for. That likely would have been the main event of Blackjack Brawl 2 if it had ever happened. Less than two years after this, just when the WWF/WCW Monday Night Wars were heating up to Defcon 1, Abrams would be dead from a cocaine induced heart attack at only 41 years old.

OVERALL SHOW THOUGHTS- Is it a bad show? Yes, it's atrocious, one of the worst shows ever attempted, and the final grade will reflect that. But it's that special entertaining kind of awful that you can sit down and watch this with some friends, let the riffs fly and share some laughs. If I ever did a wrestling Rifftrax video, this would be my first choice of shows to riff.

OVERALL SHOW GRADE: F